Eat to Live, or Live to Eat?

Has it really been almost 2 years since I last posted? So much has happened. But back to the subject.

 

The subject has been talked about so much. Americans often have been criticized about living to eat. Even people like Cassey Ho talk about eating healthier foods. But let's face it. Food is yummy. It's one of the more affordable luxuries out there. Yes there is a lot to be said about portion control. But the way life works for the average American, we usually only get one good meal out of the day. We hit the ground running in the morning. Lunch is often short or rushed. So we try to make up for that lack of time to really sit down to eat, by pigging out. Also there is the too tired or not enough time to really make something good problem at night also. So we often go for quick and unhealthy. In large quantities, since we have been unintentionally starving ourselves all day. But this is the time when they say you should eat lighter. But we all know that's hard and a little unfair because of all the reasons I mentioned. Yes I lost weight when I ate a healthy breakfast and lunch. But I still ate most of my food intake at night. The only reason I ate a decent breakfast then, was because I was working at a school cafeteria. It was torture on an empty stomach. I found myself snatching food destined for the trash that was still in the pans I was going to wash. Eating before work curbed that, but I got up so much earlier to be able to eat, that I was miserable. I know there are people that get up way early because they want to work on their looks before work or school. I'm more of a roll out of be and get ready quickly person. Then there are my current jobs. Breaks are not always an option and could be interrupted 500 times. Not really ideal to have a good meal. One of my jobs there is only a microwave to prepare food with. No water. Nothing else. I usually just bring a sandwich. I use to bring soup to my one job, which is healthy, but I rarely have time to eat it. So I usually end up grabbing something quick and unhealthy there. Not good for my body or wallet. I would love to have a cute little yummy bento to eat for lunch. But that requires time and effort I don’t have.

 

Here’s the story. I have Fibromyalgia. Not as bad as most. But bad enough to screw up some things in my life. Long story short, when I get home I’m beat. There isn’t much left in me. If I push myself too hard, I go down. I can’t afford to lose time at work, so I baby myself. Maybe a bit too much. I come home. Pop something quick in the microwave and cruse the net till bedtime. I don’t have it in me to make a decent meal. Even on days off when I have a million things to do, I end up sleeping all day. I do like working out, but getting the energy to do it doesn’t happen often. I tend to over do it when I do work out, as kind of making up for lost time. I would like to work out after work, but sometimes I’m worthless the next day if I do. In a perfect world, I would get up on time. I would eat a good breakfast. I would put on makeup and do my hair. And get to work early. Then after work, I would go work out. When I get home, I would take a shower, make myself a good dinner, and do a few chores. But it isn’t a perfect world and I’m just tired.

 

But back to what I was originally saying. For a while I was using My Fitness Pal it started to get frustrating. Like I was shaming myself for eating more than what I was allotted. I couldn’t eat whatever I wanted, or very much of it. Because it would go over my calories. It seemed unfair. I would pour through menus trying to find something I could eat. Not what I wanted to eat, but what I could. I like bacon. I love my grandma’s fried chicken. Yes there are alternative ways to make chicken, but it’s not the same flavor. It’s hard to be satisfied when you crave the flavor, and can’t get it. Some people show their healthy meals on Instagram or Facebook and I look at it and not find it appetizing at all. I’ve been told I can have the foods I crave if I eat them in smaller amounts. That takes a lot of will power. Because you want more. If it’s there, you want to finish it. I’ve been told drink a lot of water before you eat. Fill up on veggies or a salad. I don’t have time to pee every 10 min. And the veggies/salad isn’t always available. I’m working on a healthier tweak on my favorite foods, but I haven’t been able to do that of late. I’m stuck in a poor man’s, retail worker’s rut. If I can figure it all out, I will share it. But right now I’m wandering frustrated, over weight, and hungry. Who else feels me?

 

Laters! Savvy?

 

-Aislin

Going….Hippy?

Well, that’s what my hubby would call it. I have took it upon myself to cut additives, preservatives (artificial ones), and high fructose corn syrup out of my diet. It is much tougher than it sounds. Seriously. Especially when you don’t always have a lot of time to cook food. Or your hands are all messed up from carpal tunnel and they either hurt too much or you are dropping things because of it. I went to Wal-Mart with my sister and she had to wait while I read label after label. I wanted sub buns, or something like it, so I could try to recreate Donatos’ Big Don subs. I looked through the deli bread. All three demons were present in everything. So I went to the bread aisle. Still the same thing. The only thing that matched my criteria, was Sunbeam’s Natural 10 bread. That is only simple sandwich bread though. So I was out of luck with the sub buns. Then I went to get the lunchmeat. The only ham and salami that didn’t have all that stuff in it, was Hormel’s lunchmeat. It says on the box that it has not preservatives. On to the provolone. Sargento, was the only choice. Then the dressing. Donatos uses a white looking house Italian. I went all through all the dressings in the aisle, and ended up getting the Organicville Balsamic and Olive Oil dressing. It tastes good, but it’s kind of funny that I had to pay more for organic, because all other brands put all those bad extras in their product. You would think it would be cheaper for them not too and much more common. But moving on. Other products I found there are: Wal-Mart’s generic, and Mike sells Kettle Cooked Chips. V8 Fusion, Dannon All Natural Yogurt, Jennie O Turkey Burgers. Lipton Pure Leaf Ice Tea (not on website), Nutella, Frenches Yellow Mustard, and Tyson Chicken Nuggets and Tenders.

I can’t seem to find a list of foods that are like this. I have been kicking around creating one. But one thing is for sure. I will be going back to Target to get food for now on. They have more natural and organic options. Not that I’m hung up on organics, but they tend to not have any bad stuff in them.

I admit I’m trying to slip into a more earth conscious state of being. I’m trying to use a clothes line. I’ve switches to reusable BPA free water bottles. Using my Britta filter, so I will buy less water bottles. When I get the house cleaned back up, I would like to start recycling again. I try to buy local. It’s a work in progress, and I think I’ll find it hard to drag my husband along. He’ll probably just call me a hippy and then go back to what he was doing. I’m not forcing him to follow my change in diet. He would rebel if I did. I admit, there will be things that suck. Eating out, at least fast food wise, is not an option for me anymore. It sucks, but I’m hoping it will be healthier for me. One thing I can’t give up is Coca Cola. I’m addicted to it. I’ve compromised with myself and I only drink one cup a day and I will buy Mexican Coca Cola whenever I can, since it is made with real sugar instead of High Fructose Corn Syrup. The rest of the time I drink tea, water, or juice. I’m going to try to live through work without Monsters. Time will tell if that works or not. Maybe if I get healthier, my energy will go up.

Some things I might just have to make myself, to save money. Bread, jelly, applesauce. Though my grandma makes the best applesauce. I might just ask her to make a ton for me. I already asked her to save some apple butter for me the next time she makes it. I need a bread machine though. I doubt I will be lucky enough to find one at a garage sale, so like a new clothes line, I’m going to sell off some stuff and save up my money for one. Too bad I can’t earn one with Coke Points.

But that will be it for now. I will try to keep updating on my progress and listing foods as I find them. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The Attention Demon

Have you met him? We all have been in his grasp before. Of course he is figurative. It’s along the lines of the Green Eyed Monster of jealousy. We have all wanted attention at some point and at varying degrees. But some are grabbed by it more than others. Some want attention, period. Both dogs and humans. It doesn’t matter if it’s negative or positive. To this demon, attention is power. If they get that attention they win. I will not point out any individuals or groups, to avoid giving them power, but I bet you will have ideas who they are.

They can be both good or evil. Pleasant and abrasive. You could be happy to give them that attention, or angered at the thought of them. The focus of that attention doesn’t even have to be there to have their effect. It can weasel into your head and roost there like a song. You don’t want to think of it sometimes, but it’s still there. That is part of their power. Some know they have that ability, that power. They will do anything to get that hold, to win. I wish we could take that power away from them. Decide as a whole to ignore them. If they have done something to get attention, maybe their name should not be mentioned, so they don’t get any direct attention. Unfortunately, our desire for knowledge conflicts that.

Don’t you just wish sometimes that if you ignore them, choose to forget them and in turn they cease to exist. Like Freddie Kruger on Nightmare on Elm St., or Mab on the Merlin mini series. But unfortunately that doesn’t happen, so we can just act like we are ignoring them. The fun part of that, is that it ticks them off. One would hope that they would eventually give up because of that. But of course it doesn’t always work like that. It’s a nice thought though.

 

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Apocalypse 2012!

OooooOOOOOoOoh! LOL

But anyway. My husband and I have been watching all these documentaries about survivalists and people preparing for the apocalypse. And of course we listen to Coast to Coast. We both like Art Bell more than George Noory, but that is neither here nor there. So we hear about it a lot too. All these people scared of the end of the world or a big events that will destroy civilization. I.E. a “The Stand” or “Walking Dead “ scenario. They believe that they have to build shelter that will survive a nuclear explosion and sustain them for years.

I don’t believe in all of that but like my dad said, we should prepare for large storms. Back when the tornados tore through our area, we where left without power for a week. The phones where down. The only phone service we had was cell, which I had to charge in my car. We had to be creative. Mom and dad cooked on the grill, which thankfully it was warm enough for. We had enough candles to use for light at night, thanks to my mom. But even with that, all work on anything stopped when the sun went down, because even with the candles there was not enough light.  We only had hot water because the water heater was gas. We were taking care of reptiles from the pet store, so we had to heat rocks over candles to keep them warm and had to take them out in the sun during the day. The long and short of it is that, that was just how resourceful we had to be with just the power out. It could have been worse. If that would happen now, Brett and I would be screwed. Plus, Brett would go insane without his video games. LOL We have candles, but a limited amount, and not enough open space to use them. We don’t have a grill, and most of our food, we make by microwave, so we are screwed there.

It just comes down to, we all need to be more prepared. Not just that, because of prices and recalls and food scares, we need to start growing our own food, and being more independent on things. We all need to be better stewards to the land. We can’t leave it all up to the farmers. Back in the world war 2 days people had vegetable gardens in their back yard. They canned what they didn’t eat right away. They kept food costs down and food was there when they needed it. Usually when natural disasters hit, they effect things a whole lot longer than a day or two. People panic and hit the store buying stupid stuff. And with doing that, leave nothing behind for those who need it. Example, the recent earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan. I was felt throughout all of Japan for weeks. The areas that were barely effected by it, lost gas service for days. Because no one keeps more than a day or two worth of food at home, they all made a run on the stores. They cleaned them out, hoarding everything they could, so there wasn’t enough to go around. There were no food shipments coming in, or it was being diverted to disaster areas. It’s not even over there. The majority is back to normal, but the places hit the worst, people still are without homes and have limited resources coming in. All over this is happing every year. So many are unprepared.

I know I’m not the one that should be preaching this. My house is a mess and the only attention I’ve paid to my gardens since I moved into this house is with a weed whacker and loppers. What room do I have to talk if I can’t even keep my house clean and my yard maintained. I understand this. It’s nice to say I want a storm shelter, garden, wind turbine, and vegetable garden. It’s well another thing to actually get up off my ass and do it, let alone keep it going. I’m just saying we all need to try to do these things. I need to make the effort. I would like nothing more to spend my days surfing the net and taking care of the house. Trolling the garage sales on the weekends looking for stuff I can sell on eBay or use at home. I know that the only effort I have made was to buy a reel mower, which I ended up giving to my parents. But the truth is that things are the way they are now. I’m trying to keep myself strait, while making the monies and taking care of my husband. I tend to be so tired, that the house gets put on the back burner. Then I look around at the mess that has built up and feel over whelmed. Excuses, excuses.

I know what my family would say about that. Not nice things at all. Believe me, I have been hearing them all my life. It’s different when there isn’t someone cracking a whip behind you. It’s different on your own. But people have been doing this for years, and I should be no different. My sister is going to help me get my house cleaned up this weekend. Hopefully it’s the jumpstart I need. Time will tell. What about you? Are you able to be more self sufficient?

Aislin’s Day Off

Ok maybe I should start earlier than today. See I got a burr up my ass and I wanted a change so I decided to cut my hair. So yesterday I went to my mom and she cut my hair.
 
Yep I really had her cut it. She took 14in off. All of which are going to Locks of Love. The end result is this.
 
Quite a change. So lets go on to today. I got up this morning and sent my Brett Brett off to work. Then I decided to lay back down, since I was tired. I slept till about noon and then got up to get ready to go see my sis.
 
Instead of having to brush out and braid my hair, I just ran a brush through it real quick and this was the result. Cool huh? I was surprised.

I ran out the door to go see my sis at her work, stopping to get some Starbucks on the way. Mmmm Starbucks.

Then my sis put gel overlays on my nails to strengthen them up so they will grow out more. The only problem is that my knuckles have been hurting me so the ached the whole time. Don’t they look pretty.

After that we were hungry so we went over to KFC to get lunch. I saved the biscuit for Brett since it wasn’t part of my diet.

After that I had to go to the barn and clean stalls. It isn’t that cold yet, I still worked up a sweat cleaning a few stalls.

On my way home I stopped off at Marsh and got groceries. See how neatly everything fits in the back of Shamrock. ^_^

So after I got home I had wash the sweat off from working out at the barn so I took a shower, while my Brett Brett told me about his day. I brushed out my hair and it did it’s curly thing.

So that’s my day off in a nutshell. Tomorrow I have to be in at work at the butt-crack of dawn. It’s kind of sad but at least I had a good day.

Also I have a new food blog, Cook Healthy or Die Hard. Go check it out. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Once again into the land of retail.

So yeah, now that I’m working in retail again I remember how it use to be. The tiredness. The what day is it. The back pain that makes me a massage junkie. But yet I’m comfortable with it. I’m worn out. Getting use to working again. Working out at the barn. Trying and failing to keep up with things around the house. I gave up a day off to get more hours, which makes me grumpy. But I’ll survive.

I went up and saw my grandma. Her birthday is Friday, so I wanted to go spend some time with her. The sink is messed up again. Need to fix it. I also need to tame the jungle that is our flower bed. So much to do, not enough time or energy to do it. Sooo tired. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Oppressive Humidity

That’s what the weather channel describes the humidity in our area as. It’s so bad that our little window air conditioner is spitting water because of condensation.

I have to be at work early tomorrow so I have to keep this short. I have a new job. I’m also working part time cleaning stalls to board Katelin so I don’t have to get rid of her. Though her vet bill from moving her was not nice at all.

I’m still hyped a little from work. I’m working retail again and part-time, but at least it’s something.

Well that’s about all. Time to go wash my face, brush my teeth and hope I can get to sleep fairly quickly. Why am I never tired at night even after a 8 hour shift? Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Ups and downs. I guess that’s life.

Ok. I’m writing this while drinking my 3rd Guinness so bear with me on this.

First of all I’ll start with the downs. I don’t want sympathy and I don’t want to talk about it so I’m getting it out once and for all. We have been barely getting by. Living paycheck to paycheck and slowly draining our savings. So I had to make one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I’m giving up my horse Katelin. Though I haven’t failed to pay her board, I can’t pay the vet bills if she gets sick or hurt so that is not good for her or responsible ownership. Though all I have ever wanted was a horse and a farm, I must do what is best for her. Brett says that maybe all my role in Katelin’s life was to save her and that’s it. Maybe that’s true, but nothing will take the pain of giving her up go away. I have to do it and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

The ups. Our tax check came in so our savings is back to good. The bills are all paid up and we can now replaced me poor car. We are waiting for a start date on my new job to move forward on a car, but we are close. We are looking at a steal of a little red Chevy manual hatchback. If we are supposed to have it, it will be ours. If not, we will find something. So that’s something to look forward to. I would have liked to have a fenced yard for the dogs, but other things come first, like not being broke. So maybe next tax refund. I still need to get things cleaned up in the flower gardens.

Well my train of thought went the way of the alcohol fairies so I’m going to end this. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Down but not out.

A lot has happened this past year. I haven’t wrote much here because all I had to say was basically depressing. But though this still suck, they are also starting to look up some. First of all if things go right, I have a new job. It only took me a year to get one but I did. And no matter what my mom says, I was really trying to get one. This economy just flat sucks.

I’m looking forward to this new job. I am fully aware that it may be the most boring job since watching grass grow, but it will pay the bills and it works well with my sleep schedule. Hopefully it will be something solid and I might be able to move up thin the company some. I hope I’m comfortable enough with this company to stick with them for a long time. I don’t like the idea of any more job hunting in the future. I’ve learned on thing during this year. Because of my depression, house wife isn’t the occupation for me. I have to work outside the house to make myself stable. Sucks but that’s how it goes.

You know I hate that question they ask in interviews of where do you see yourself in 3 or 5 years. You really can’t answer that truthfully if your goal does not involve you working there. But I guess my truthful answer would be working at someplace solid that I want to stay with and having a farm. I know now I can not have a farm as my sole job and I  never really wanted that in the first place. I didn’t want strangers coming into my personal space. I just wanted a farm my way. So in the end I just want  a job I’m comfortable with that will make enough money to have my farm.

My car is on the short road to dead. So we have to replace it soon. Car payments yay –_- But there are a couple good prospects. But I might need to rent my mom’s car till we can get a new one. It’s not that my car doesn’t run, I just don’t want to risk it braking down on the way to work and getting me fired. Don’t want to fark up this job.

So there you go. There are some good and bad and a little of me reprioritizing things. I don’t know. It seems like a good goal to work somewhere till you retire. That’s all for now.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

I’m aloud to say it.

I’m aloud to complain, or am I just being a whiny bitch? Pretty much the end of last year was shit and this year doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Last year I lost my job and got only disappointment from what few interviews I got. We had to find a new place to stay, so we had to take what we could get, which isn’t bad, but it’s not a farm. We had to sink our savings into our cars and this house, so even I got a halfway decent job now, we wouldn’t be able to get a farm. Brett is worried about losing his job, which he’s stressed at in the first place. We are just getting by and I am very thankful for that. I never wanted to be rich. I just wanted to make enough to be comfortable and own a farm. But I’m stuck. We own a house and that’s good. But I can’t put Katelin in the backyard. Makes we wonder if I’m going to have to board her all her life, or should I just give up and see if Ivy will take her. I just wonder where the future will take me. We really can’t afford to have kids right now, and how can I bring a kid in the world and let them dream, knowing it won’t come true. People are like, don’t think like that, your dream could still happen. But to me that seems like bullshit. I have lost my savings and if I do get a job again, it’s not likely I’ll make more than enough just to get by. Honestly if I can finally afford a farm after I turn 40 I’ll be pissed, because that is not the time to get a farm. I won’t have that many good physical years to keep up with the work and enjoy it and 40 is too old to start having kids. It just makes me want to scream.

The job market sucks. It’s flooded with the unemployed and I’m scared of getting another job, because I am scared of getting fired again. I’m scared to death of office jobs now. That and not being able to help Brett, is wearing me down. I have wonderful dreams then I wake up to reality and it hurts, so all I want to do is sleep and escape from it all. I lack the energy to do anything. I’m just tired and starting not to care. My meds can only do so much so I just have to deal.

Ah well. I better stop here. I have a headache and I’m crying now, at least I can cry again. It had dried up for awhile. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Anyone for an ear pop?

I wish I could. I hate allergies. I really do. So yeah joy of being a grown up 192, sometimes your birthday will be a little messed up. No traditional dinner at Fujiyama that’s on hold till next month where it will be joined with Brett and I’s anniversary dinner. Two birds one stone deal. I will be having dinner with my parents and sis the Saturday after my birthday. That works though. No big hoopla over my birthday. I guess it’s better that way. Hopefully Lisa and I will be going to the international festival Sunday. It’s so nice of her to remember me on my birthday. Seems more that the older you get, the less people care about your birthday. I try to keep track of everyone’s birthday and at least give them a call or a card. Doesn’t always work out that way though.

This month has been tight, but we are surviving ok. I’ve had enough of not having a stove. I’m putting the kitchen on hold till spring. I’m going to clean up in there, get the shelves up , and get the frikkin’ stove in. I will see if I can recruit Lisa this spring to see if she will help me paint and put down the flooring. Next up after the kitchen is the bathroom. I can’t reno it completely any time soon, but I can knock the title off of the walls that aren’t the shower and paint and fix the water damage on the walls and floor and maybe laminate tile the floor too. That will give it a fresher look and hold it till we and get a new shower/tub put in.

Christmas is going to be tight this year. A lot of hand made stuff all around. I don’t even know what anyone wants anyway. All I want are Kawaii Neko Ears and blankets. Can never ever have enough blankets. Ever. I’m hoping to get enough money for my birthday to get my hair professionally dyed black. Mom says that if I try to do it myself, it won’t turn out right because my hair is so long, so I have to get it professionally done. She doesn’t want me to get it done at all, but I’m tried of worrying about that. It’s not going to kill me and if I get tired of it, I will have it dyed back to my original color. Honestly I was way too goody two shoes when I was growing up, while other kids were dying their hair and getting tats and piercings I was worried what my mom would do. I kept telling myself that when I was out on my own the first thing I would do is dye my hair black. Well I’ve been out on my own for 2 years now and it’s about damn time I keep my word to myself.

Been trying to take better care of myself. Not sure how that is working out. Going to try to dress up a bit more when I go out and start wearing at least some makeup again. I haven’t done one vlog yet. I kind of need to put makeup on first for it, and haven’t been brave enough to do that yet. I don’t want to throw my ugly face out there on the net without makeup. I’m nervous enough as it is. Hopefully after the Maze rd stuff is done the guys can get back to commentaries. They’ve been hitting rough patches as of late and I suggested getting on YouTube a bit might help them gain fans, so I’m going to use my new camera to help them with that. I love when I feel that I’m helping them out.

I thought about selling Avon, and I got little to no response from that. All my sister said was um, which I don’t take as good. I was just trying to find something that I could make a few bucks at on the side to help with things. Blarg. I don’t know what to do. Well I think I wrote enough for now. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The joys of owning a house.

Honestly, we might have spent the same amount of money staying at the other place, or at least it seems so. But it all comes down to we are broke. All of the work we have done and such has drained us. Along with taking care of our cars. It’s now down to we have to watch our purchases because we have so many big things we have to pay for in what is going to be our slimmest month so far. Funny how things work out like that. My birthday is this month. I wonder what I’m going to get if anything. Christmas is going to be slim again. I still don’t have a stove or a pantry. Things keep pushing that back. I’m really fucking tired of fast food and microwave meals.

I still yet have found a job. I have to be picky on the pay, because I can’t make under a certain amount or we will suffer. The problem is no one wants to hire me. Why can’t I just find a job where I can work from home? I would do other people’s laundry for money. I just haven’t found anything, and no one is responding to my resumes.

As things go on I honestly am starting to think that I will never get a farm. That it would take us winning a lot of money or someone handing one to us. Our savings is gone with no hope of it coming back in the near future. So much for dreams huh? At this rate I don’t see kids in the future either. Is this how my life is going to be? Bouncing from job that I can get to job that I can get if I can get it and in the mean time living off the scraps the government gives us, making only enough to pay the bills?

It’s hard cleaning up the old place. I miss it and it’s a grim reminder of how close we came to having a farm. I love our new house, I’m just realizing we are going to be here longer than we thought. Sigh. I guess that’s life.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin 

I still miss him.

My grandpa that is. I dreamt about him yesterday. I’ve come to realize that’s his way of checking in on me. He knows I’m a sleeper and that way I can actually see him. The good part of the dream went on like a normal day at my grandparent’s house would be, then I realized that my grandpa is dead, yet in front of me. So I started crying, I hugged him, told him that I loved him, and that I miss him. After that the dream ended.

All this stuff with the new house is making me miss him more. He was such a Mr. Fix it that I would be able to ask him to walk me through a lot of this. I wonder if he would be proud of me. I miss his stories. I miss putting puzzles together with him. I miss how he would Hoover up any food you put in front of him.

My last memory of him when he was alive is him looking at me before I headed home after a visit. I said my goodbyes, but he stared into my eyes intently. I think he was saying that was the last time I was going to see him and that he was ok. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes and I’m thankful for that. It means a lot to me.

I do miss him so and it makes me happy that he comes and visits me from time to time. But that’s enough sappiness for the time being.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Let it all out.

Well we’re moved. Sorta. There are a few things that still need to be brought over, and the other place needs to be cleaned. So there is still moving type stuff to do.

This has been a whole big stressful experience. Brett knows I’ve been stressed out too. Coming home to me outside smoking a cigarillo and drinking a beer in the middle of the day is a pretty big sign that I’m stressed. It’s been stressful for him too. The only ones that have been taking this in stride are the animals. Funny huh? But other than Dipstick needing more exercise than we can give him at the moment, they are doing great.

We are going through a bit of a culture shock moving to a smaller place. We are still trying to figure out where to put all our stuff. We will get it all figured out though. Things are not complete yet though. I just got the dog gates hung today and I still need to put latches on them. The kitchen walls need to be sanded and painted before we can lay the new floor, before we can set up the pantry shelves, before we can bring the stove and fridge in. The living room needs to be sanded then painted. The lawn seriously needs to be mowed. But the weird thing is, is how cold it’s been getting. It makes me wonder how hard of a winter we are going to have.

I do like the house, I’m just getting overwhelmed by all the stuff that needs to be fixed and me not having the money right now to fix it. I’ve already made changes and compromises that I really didn’t want to just because I didn’t have the money to do what I wanted. This place is supposed to be an investment, but it right now seems like a money pit that I’ll never get my money back on, let alone make a profit off of. But I’m putting in a lot of sweat equity into this place, I just hope it pays off.

Not being able to find a job right now is really wearing on me. I’m looking and trying, but I’ve only had one real interview so far. It’s driving me nuts and I’m worrying about what is going to happen in the future.

I can’t say that life is horrid right now. It’s just really stressful. I’ll get through it and be ready for the next problem.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The leaves are starting to fall.

Meaning my favorite time of year is coming. Followed by cold and slick. Bah!

So the day for closing on the house is coming on fast and you guessed it, we aren’t packed. Stress is getting to us. People said getting a house was hard, but no one said it was going to be a butt rape. But finally on Thursday we will close. Then we have the fun job of moving our stuff. That’s going to be fun and a half. I just hope this time doesn’t end up like last time.

The electrician will be there Monday then he will give me a quote on the other electrical work. Looks like we are holding off on the fence for a bit. Dad has to help us replace the back door. I don’t know when I’m going to have a stove. I have never been so unprepared moving into a place, but there is nothing we could do. I’m just going to be surprised if I don’t have a mental break down and go off. Poor Brett, he might be the target of my fury too. We might not have TV or net for a month or 2 when we move. Depends on how fast Uverse moves. Until we get the electric taken care of I have to put the clothes out on a line to dry and before that I have to get a line set up. Vicious circle isn’t it? The kitchen and bathroom will have to be done bit by bit with cash that comes in, which will make cash tight, but we don’t have much of a choice.

I just hope we don’t go insane. 

I’m going to try to take classes to do admin work in hospitals. It pays good and the state pays for the classes. I’m also hoping I can get one of the many jobs down here. The classes only last 4 weeks, so I should be able to survive.

Well wish me luck through this ordeal. I’m going to get some sleep while that fuzzy kids and my insides let me. LOL! Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Stolen from Brett’s blog.

Ok let me start out saying that I’ve had a glass and a half of Bacardi hurricane so if I don’t make a lot of sense, I’m sorry.

There are friends that have made a difference in my life. I love them all and owe them a lot.

First there is my friend SM. I don’t remember first meeting you because we were still babies. But our summers were spent together and you were my first friend. Though we are polar opposites we get each other. And though we don’t talk much, if you call, I’ll be there.

Then there is my friend LL. I still remember in middle school at lunch when you took a seat next to me and introduced yourself. I remember I was so shocked that someone would approach me. But we soon became fast friends. We went through so much shit together. But we got through it and are still good friends. Much hugs girl.

There is also my friend KM. I don’t remember when I met you. I know it was through LL. I do know you were always a bright bubbly character. Though your thoughts and actions go with the wind I still consider you one of my good friends and that’s just the way you are. You are a free spirit and I don’t think anyone can change that.

Lastly there is Tokyo Cowgirl. I met you though your blog. It is heartfelt and entertaining. I enjoyed reading about your life, and you even reached out to me. Though you have your own crap to go through. You took time to help me out when my grandpa was dying and that means a ton to me. And that’s why I’ll always consider you a good friend.

Much hugs friends! Much hugs. I love you guys, in a not gay way. LOL!

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Shaken Foundations

Seriously, what in the world is happening?! Of course I saw my sister’s divorce coming and by no means am I dancing about it. But now 2 more couples close to me are calling it quits. Of course they aren’t blood family, but they are like family to me. I can not take sides on this because I love both sides, and I am not going to sway them in any way. It just hurts. It’s like family splitting up and honestly I didn’t see it coming. I thought their problems where just normal couple problems. I didn’t know it was making them suffer.

Honestly it’s shaking my foundations. It seems like all relationships are falling apart around me. Of course my parent’s haven’t broken up, but they are still at each other’s throats and dad doesn’t believe in divorce. Are relationships really so fragile? I don’t know what to think. It scares me. Not that I think Brett and I’s relationship is in trouble. But Brett leaving me for not being happy has always been a fear of mine. It’s just something I don’t understand. In no way do I assume to know the details or the way people feel and I do not mean anything towards anyone, but I just personally wonder how this could happen. How someone could date someone for so long and love them enough to get married, then everything change in such a short time. Again this is not meant to ANYONE, it’s just someone who has dated someone for 5 years and has only been married a year, that is now scared shitless because she is seeing serious relationships crumble around her.

Right now I want to curl up and cry. I feel so sorry for everyone involved in all of this. All I can do is be there for them, though I wish I could do more.

So much shit has been happening. The complications on the house thing has just been fucking ridiculous and I’m short steps from chewing out our mortgage consultant and real-estate agent. We just got a new puppy, who is trying my nerves. He’s a sweet pup but we are off to a rocky start, like I had with the Roar. It will pass, I just have to be calm. I’m trying to get a job, but I’m getting pissed that I can’t find anything that I’ll be happy with. And I wonder why I sleep so much. Hahaha. I really don’t know what to do about everything. I just hate situations where I have to sit back and do nothing, because there is nothing I can do.

Also LL I am getting your e-mails and I appreciate them. I’m sorry I take so long to respond if at all. My brain is all scrambled as you can see. I hope you aren’t taking it personally. Give your short tailed kitteh a hug for me.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

3 hours and $400 later.

So I went to the mandatory thing so I could keep my unemployment. On the way I fought to get cheap gas, a white chocolate mocha, and found out my alternator died. Great start huh.

Well the 3 hours were a waste. The guy didn’t really know a lot and pretty much said that we were at fault for not getting new jobs because our resumes are apparently not good enough. Also they held on to our IDs the whole time so we couldn’t sneak out. Then we were informed we had to come back for another mandatory thing or we loose our unemployment. And we have to use the state’s job search system or we might loose our unemployment. Way to make us feel good.

So after all that, I headed strait to Saturn to see if they could fix my car. Luckily it didn’t take too long, but I was set back just under $400. At least it was nice out. Plus is my car is fix now. Hopefully it will keep that way.

Been watching a lot of Penn and Teller’s Bullshit. I like it. It’s funny. But it does have a tendency to make you feel like a stupid douche for believing some of these things that you get told by the media. But at least we learn the truth in a hilarious way. It’s good that some of these things we already know.

House stuff is going really slow and stressing Brett out. Everything will turn out ok though. I just want it to be over already.

Took my sister to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Everything was great and she really seemed to appreciate it.

Well now to pass out on the couch and hope the cats don’t destroy the place. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

You have been randomly chosen to be screwed over.

Or at least it seem that way. I’ve been “randomly” chosen for a reemployment orientation through the work placement place that works with unemployment. Meaning they can force me into a job I don’t want and I can’t say a word about it or they will take away my unemployment. Not so fun. They say it takes three hours so that means it’s like any other work placement place where they send you through a battery of test to see what you can do then they tell you they will call you. So now my only looking for jobs I’d be ok with is going into anything I could survive through mode. I’m even looking at part-time jobs. Anything to keep from getting shoved into a job I will hate. I’ve been looking and putting in apps almost everyday, but still no serious nibbles. I still have some unemployment time left so I’m not that worried about that. And I was hoping I wouldn’t find anything till all the major projects at the new house were done. I admit I was hoping for a work at home job, but I doubt that will happen. I’m still pissed at my old job. They picked the shittiest time to let me go. Then they go and hire more people. They’ve been firing too, but it just makes me feel so worthless a disposable. I don’t think I could trust a job again not to screw me over. In the end I don’t know what to do.

My sister is getting divorced but she managed to get a new job. She is living with mom and dad so she’s doing ok. It’s sad that the house I grew up in is no longer going to be in the family, but there isn’t anything anyone can do. Nikki can’t afford to keep the place by herself and her ex isn’t going to give her any money. He never did before anyway.

I took my dad and nephew to the state fair yesterday. I had fun, but I was so worn out by the time I got back. My knee has been hurting today too.

Brett is stressing about the new house. I’m more stressing out about after the signing for it. All the stuff that needs to be done. The whole what needs to be done when, and how much it’s going to cost. What can be put off till after we get the tax rebate. There is the whole deal with the windows too. They need to be restored or replaced. A window cost about $170 a piece, but we can get a $100 tax rebate on each one, which will pound out to about $70 a window after the fact. Also new windows save energy and are easier to clean. But original windows add value to the house and are cheaper to restore that getting new ones. So you see my problem. I’ll most likely just restore them and get new storm windows for the place that don’t stick out like sore thumbs to save money.

Ok maybe I need to run down the list of things that need to be done to the place to let you all know what I’m dealing with. I will try to keep it in order of importance.

What needs to be done to the house.
1. The Fuse box needs replaced. $?
2. New plug for the dryer needs to be installed. $?
3. Plug for the stove need to be installed.$?
4. Wiring needs to be reran. $?
5. Security system needs to be installed. $900?
6. New back door and kitchen door. $400
7. Security doors put in. $?
8. New locks put in. $360
9. New stove. $400
10. More cabinets in the $200-400
11. Kitchen wall redone. $10
12. Windows fixed or replaced $100-1,900
13. New sink, faucet, and countertop in the kitchen $400?
14. New kitchen floor. $150
15. Bathroom redone. $?
16. Air conditioner installed. $?
17. Fence Installed $?
18. Roof redone. $?

And who knows what else might pop up overtime.

All and all it’s going to end up being pretty expensive. Not to mention the tools we will have to buy for all of this.

Also we close in 3 weeks and we still have to pack. Crazy isn’t it. But Brett said we could get a puppy, so maybe then Shiner can come live with us. One could hope. Well I think that’s all for now. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Stuck in a blah mood.

So much has happened and is going to happen. I really don’t know what to do.

We go to sign the papers for the mortgage app tonight. The inspection is next Monday and I have to start packing. Not just packing, sorting through our stuff to see what we keep and what goes into the garage sale. Being the pack rat I am, that does not make me happy. But we are moving into a smaller place and we just can’t fit all our stuff in it. Things are going to have to go that we haven’t messed with in the last couple of years. Like my old game systems. I’ll keep the PS2 and the game cube, but the sega saturn and the N64 are going have to go. I have to go through all my kitchen stuff and find out what has to go. I just won’t have the space for all of it.

I have worries though. Like will I be able to get rid of enough stuff. Can I keep the new house clean? I’m not good at that. It seems that when I clean up a room, it takes no time to get back to bad again. I just never have the will to keep up with it.

I don’t know what to do first. I would like on the day of closing use that day to clean the house and paint before we even move a thing in. Because once we start moving things in we won’t have the room to paint. Plus I need to put more cabinets in. There is just not enough cabinet space.

I want to be in there now. I want it over and done. I don’t like the transitional in-between feeling. There is nothing I can do about it though. I hate saying goodbye to this place. I’m already putting myself in the mindset of it’s not our place anymore. I need to be getting stuff done, but my un-sureness is keeping me in bed. I don’t know what to do.

I need to get out of bed and get ready for tonight. I don’t know if I can be Brett’s support on this anymore. I’m having a hard enough time keeping it together. Arrg! Can I just hide under a rock and someone call me when everything is done? I guess this is just home buying stress. But it will nice to have something that is truly home. That no one can tell me no I can’t do that to the place.

Well I have to get up and moving. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin