I still miss him.

My grandpa that is. I dreamt about him yesterday. I’ve come to realize that’s his way of checking in on me. He knows I’m a sleeper and that way I can actually see him. The good part of the dream went on like a normal day at my grandparent’s house would be, then I realized that my grandpa is dead, yet in front of me. So I started crying, I hugged him, told him that I loved him, and that I miss him. After that the dream ended.

All this stuff with the new house is making me miss him more. He was such a Mr. Fix it that I would be able to ask him to walk me through a lot of this. I wonder if he would be proud of me. I miss his stories. I miss putting puzzles together with him. I miss how he would Hoover up any food you put in front of him.

My last memory of him when he was alive is him looking at me before I headed home after a visit. I said my goodbyes, but he stared into my eyes intently. I think he was saying that was the last time I was going to see him and that he was ok. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes and I’m thankful for that. It means a lot to me.

I do miss him so and it makes me happy that he comes and visits me from time to time. But that’s enough sappiness for the time being.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Let it all out.

Well we’re moved. Sorta. There are a few things that still need to be brought over, and the other place needs to be cleaned. So there is still moving type stuff to do.

This has been a whole big stressful experience. Brett knows I’ve been stressed out too. Coming home to me outside smoking a cigarillo and drinking a beer in the middle of the day is a pretty big sign that I’m stressed. It’s been stressful for him too. The only ones that have been taking this in stride are the animals. Funny huh? But other than Dipstick needing more exercise than we can give him at the moment, they are doing great.

We are going through a bit of a culture shock moving to a smaller place. We are still trying to figure out where to put all our stuff. We will get it all figured out though. Things are not complete yet though. I just got the dog gates hung today and I still need to put latches on them. The kitchen walls need to be sanded and painted before we can lay the new floor, before we can set up the pantry shelves, before we can bring the stove and fridge in. The living room needs to be sanded then painted. The lawn seriously needs to be mowed. But the weird thing is, is how cold it’s been getting. It makes me wonder how hard of a winter we are going to have.

I do like the house, I’m just getting overwhelmed by all the stuff that needs to be fixed and me not having the money right now to fix it. I’ve already made changes and compromises that I really didn’t want to just because I didn’t have the money to do what I wanted. This place is supposed to be an investment, but it right now seems like a money pit that I’ll never get my money back on, let alone make a profit off of. But I’m putting in a lot of sweat equity into this place, I just hope it pays off.

Not being able to find a job right now is really wearing on me. I’m looking and trying, but I’ve only had one real interview so far. It’s driving me nuts and I’m worrying about what is going to happen in the future.

I can’t say that life is horrid right now. It’s just really stressful. I’ll get through it and be ready for the next problem.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The leaves are starting to fall.

Meaning my favorite time of year is coming. Followed by cold and slick. Bah!

So the day for closing on the house is coming on fast and you guessed it, we aren’t packed. Stress is getting to us. People said getting a house was hard, but no one said it was going to be a butt rape. But finally on Thursday we will close. Then we have the fun job of moving our stuff. That’s going to be fun and a half. I just hope this time doesn’t end up like last time.

The electrician will be there Monday then he will give me a quote on the other electrical work. Looks like we are holding off on the fence for a bit. Dad has to help us replace the back door. I don’t know when I’m going to have a stove. I have never been so unprepared moving into a place, but there is nothing we could do. I’m just going to be surprised if I don’t have a mental break down and go off. Poor Brett, he might be the target of my fury too. We might not have TV or net for a month or 2 when we move. Depends on how fast Uverse moves. Until we get the electric taken care of I have to put the clothes out on a line to dry and before that I have to get a line set up. Vicious circle isn’t it? The kitchen and bathroom will have to be done bit by bit with cash that comes in, which will make cash tight, but we don’t have much of a choice.

I just hope we don’t go insane. 

I’m going to try to take classes to do admin work in hospitals. It pays good and the state pays for the classes. I’m also hoping I can get one of the many jobs down here. The classes only last 4 weeks, so I should be able to survive.

Well wish me luck through this ordeal. I’m going to get some sleep while that fuzzy kids and my insides let me. LOL! Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Stolen from Brett’s blog.

Ok let me start out saying that I’ve had a glass and a half of Bacardi hurricane so if I don’t make a lot of sense, I’m sorry.

There are friends that have made a difference in my life. I love them all and owe them a lot.

First there is my friend SM. I don’t remember first meeting you because we were still babies. But our summers were spent together and you were my first friend. Though we are polar opposites we get each other. And though we don’t talk much, if you call, I’ll be there.

Then there is my friend LL. I still remember in middle school at lunch when you took a seat next to me and introduced yourself. I remember I was so shocked that someone would approach me. But we soon became fast friends. We went through so much shit together. But we got through it and are still good friends. Much hugs girl.

There is also my friend KM. I don’t remember when I met you. I know it was through LL. I do know you were always a bright bubbly character. Though your thoughts and actions go with the wind I still consider you one of my good friends and that’s just the way you are. You are a free spirit and I don’t think anyone can change that.

Lastly there is Tokyo Cowgirl. I met you though your blog. It is heartfelt and entertaining. I enjoyed reading about your life, and you even reached out to me. Though you have your own crap to go through. You took time to help me out when my grandpa was dying and that means a ton to me. And that’s why I’ll always consider you a good friend.

Much hugs friends! Much hugs. I love you guys, in a not gay way. LOL!

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Shaken Foundations

Seriously, what in the world is happening?! Of course I saw my sister’s divorce coming and by no means am I dancing about it. But now 2 more couples close to me are calling it quits. Of course they aren’t blood family, but they are like family to me. I can not take sides on this because I love both sides, and I am not going to sway them in any way. It just hurts. It’s like family splitting up and honestly I didn’t see it coming. I thought their problems where just normal couple problems. I didn’t know it was making them suffer.

Honestly it’s shaking my foundations. It seems like all relationships are falling apart around me. Of course my parent’s haven’t broken up, but they are still at each other’s throats and dad doesn’t believe in divorce. Are relationships really so fragile? I don’t know what to think. It scares me. Not that I think Brett and I’s relationship is in trouble. But Brett leaving me for not being happy has always been a fear of mine. It’s just something I don’t understand. In no way do I assume to know the details or the way people feel and I do not mean anything towards anyone, but I just personally wonder how this could happen. How someone could date someone for so long and love them enough to get married, then everything change in such a short time. Again this is not meant to ANYONE, it’s just someone who has dated someone for 5 years and has only been married a year, that is now scared shitless because she is seeing serious relationships crumble around her.

Right now I want to curl up and cry. I feel so sorry for everyone involved in all of this. All I can do is be there for them, though I wish I could do more.

So much shit has been happening. The complications on the house thing has just been fucking ridiculous and I’m short steps from chewing out our mortgage consultant and real-estate agent. We just got a new puppy, who is trying my nerves. He’s a sweet pup but we are off to a rocky start, like I had with the Roar. It will pass, I just have to be calm. I’m trying to get a job, but I’m getting pissed that I can’t find anything that I’ll be happy with. And I wonder why I sleep so much. Hahaha. I really don’t know what to do about everything. I just hate situations where I have to sit back and do nothing, because there is nothing I can do.

Also LL I am getting your e-mails and I appreciate them. I’m sorry I take so long to respond if at all. My brain is all scrambled as you can see. I hope you aren’t taking it personally. Give your short tailed kitteh a hug for me.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

3 hours and $400 later.

So I went to the mandatory thing so I could keep my unemployment. On the way I fought to get cheap gas, a white chocolate mocha, and found out my alternator died. Great start huh.

Well the 3 hours were a waste. The guy didn’t really know a lot and pretty much said that we were at fault for not getting new jobs because our resumes are apparently not good enough. Also they held on to our IDs the whole time so we couldn’t sneak out. Then we were informed we had to come back for another mandatory thing or we loose our unemployment. And we have to use the state’s job search system or we might loose our unemployment. Way to make us feel good.

So after all that, I headed strait to Saturn to see if they could fix my car. Luckily it didn’t take too long, but I was set back just under $400. At least it was nice out. Plus is my car is fix now. Hopefully it will keep that way.

Been watching a lot of Penn and Teller’s Bullshit. I like it. It’s funny. But it does have a tendency to make you feel like a stupid douche for believing some of these things that you get told by the media. But at least we learn the truth in a hilarious way. It’s good that some of these things we already know.

House stuff is going really slow and stressing Brett out. Everything will turn out ok though. I just want it to be over already.

Took my sister to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Everything was great and she really seemed to appreciate it.

Well now to pass out on the couch and hope the cats don’t destroy the place. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

You have been randomly chosen to be screwed over.

Or at least it seem that way. I’ve been “randomly” chosen for a reemployment orientation through the work placement place that works with unemployment. Meaning they can force me into a job I don’t want and I can’t say a word about it or they will take away my unemployment. Not so fun. They say it takes three hours so that means it’s like any other work placement place where they send you through a battery of test to see what you can do then they tell you they will call you. So now my only looking for jobs I’d be ok with is going into anything I could survive through mode. I’m even looking at part-time jobs. Anything to keep from getting shoved into a job I will hate. I’ve been looking and putting in apps almost everyday, but still no serious nibbles. I still have some unemployment time left so I’m not that worried about that. And I was hoping I wouldn’t find anything till all the major projects at the new house were done. I admit I was hoping for a work at home job, but I doubt that will happen. I’m still pissed at my old job. They picked the shittiest time to let me go. Then they go and hire more people. They’ve been firing too, but it just makes me feel so worthless a disposable. I don’t think I could trust a job again not to screw me over. In the end I don’t know what to do.

My sister is getting divorced but she managed to get a new job. She is living with mom and dad so she’s doing ok. It’s sad that the house I grew up in is no longer going to be in the family, but there isn’t anything anyone can do. Nikki can’t afford to keep the place by herself and her ex isn’t going to give her any money. He never did before anyway.

I took my dad and nephew to the state fair yesterday. I had fun, but I was so worn out by the time I got back. My knee has been hurting today too.

Brett is stressing about the new house. I’m more stressing out about after the signing for it. All the stuff that needs to be done. The whole what needs to be done when, and how much it’s going to cost. What can be put off till after we get the tax rebate. There is the whole deal with the windows too. They need to be restored or replaced. A window cost about $170 a piece, but we can get a $100 tax rebate on each one, which will pound out to about $70 a window after the fact. Also new windows save energy and are easier to clean. But original windows add value to the house and are cheaper to restore that getting new ones. So you see my problem. I’ll most likely just restore them and get new storm windows for the place that don’t stick out like sore thumbs to save money.

Ok maybe I need to run down the list of things that need to be done to the place to let you all know what I’m dealing with. I will try to keep it in order of importance.

What needs to be done to the house.
1. The Fuse box needs replaced. $?
2. New plug for the dryer needs to be installed. $?
3. Plug for the stove need to be installed.$?
4. Wiring needs to be reran. $?
5. Security system needs to be installed. $900?
6. New back door and kitchen door. $400
7. Security doors put in. $?
8. New locks put in. $360
9. New stove. $400
10. More cabinets in the $200-400
11. Kitchen wall redone. $10
12. Windows fixed or replaced $100-1,900
13. New sink, faucet, and countertop in the kitchen $400?
14. New kitchen floor. $150
15. Bathroom redone. $?
16. Air conditioner installed. $?
17. Fence Installed $?
18. Roof redone. $?

And who knows what else might pop up overtime.

All and all it’s going to end up being pretty expensive. Not to mention the tools we will have to buy for all of this.

Also we close in 3 weeks and we still have to pack. Crazy isn’t it. But Brett said we could get a puppy, so maybe then Shiner can come live with us. One could hope. Well I think that’s all for now. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin