Anyone for an ear pop?

I wish I could. I hate allergies. I really do. So yeah joy of being a grown up 192, sometimes your birthday will be a little messed up. No traditional dinner at Fujiyama that’s on hold till next month where it will be joined with Brett and I’s anniversary dinner. Two birds one stone deal. I will be having dinner with my parents and sis the Saturday after my birthday. That works though. No big hoopla over my birthday. I guess it’s better that way. Hopefully Lisa and I will be going to the international festival Sunday. It’s so nice of her to remember me on my birthday. Seems more that the older you get, the less people care about your birthday. I try to keep track of everyone’s birthday and at least give them a call or a card. Doesn’t always work out that way though.

This month has been tight, but we are surviving ok. I’ve had enough of not having a stove. I’m putting the kitchen on hold till spring. I’m going to clean up in there, get the shelves up , and get the frikkin’ stove in. I will see if I can recruit Lisa this spring to see if she will help me paint and put down the flooring. Next up after the kitchen is the bathroom. I can’t reno it completely any time soon, but I can knock the title off of the walls that aren’t the shower and paint and fix the water damage on the walls and floor and maybe laminate tile the floor too. That will give it a fresher look and hold it till we and get a new shower/tub put in.

Christmas is going to be tight this year. A lot of hand made stuff all around. I don’t even know what anyone wants anyway. All I want are Kawaii Neko Ears and blankets. Can never ever have enough blankets. Ever. I’m hoping to get enough money for my birthday to get my hair professionally dyed black. Mom says that if I try to do it myself, it won’t turn out right because my hair is so long, so I have to get it professionally done. She doesn’t want me to get it done at all, but I’m tried of worrying about that. It’s not going to kill me and if I get tired of it, I will have it dyed back to my original color. Honestly I was way too goody two shoes when I was growing up, while other kids were dying their hair and getting tats and piercings I was worried what my mom would do. I kept telling myself that when I was out on my own the first thing I would do is dye my hair black. Well I’ve been out on my own for 2 years now and it’s about damn time I keep my word to myself.

Been trying to take better care of myself. Not sure how that is working out. Going to try to dress up a bit more when I go out and start wearing at least some makeup again. I haven’t done one vlog yet. I kind of need to put makeup on first for it, and haven’t been brave enough to do that yet. I don’t want to throw my ugly face out there on the net without makeup. I’m nervous enough as it is. Hopefully after the Maze rd stuff is done the guys can get back to commentaries. They’ve been hitting rough patches as of late and I suggested getting on YouTube a bit might help them gain fans, so I’m going to use my new camera to help them with that. I love when I feel that I’m helping them out.

I thought about selling Avon, and I got little to no response from that. All my sister said was um, which I don’t take as good. I was just trying to find something that I could make a few bucks at on the side to help with things. Blarg. I don’t know what to do. Well I think I wrote enough for now. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The joys of owning a house.

Honestly, we might have spent the same amount of money staying at the other place, or at least it seems so. But it all comes down to we are broke. All of the work we have done and such has drained us. Along with taking care of our cars. It’s now down to we have to watch our purchases because we have so many big things we have to pay for in what is going to be our slimmest month so far. Funny how things work out like that. My birthday is this month. I wonder what I’m going to get if anything. Christmas is going to be slim again. I still don’t have a stove or a pantry. Things keep pushing that back. I’m really fucking tired of fast food and microwave meals.

I still yet have found a job. I have to be picky on the pay, because I can’t make under a certain amount or we will suffer. The problem is no one wants to hire me. Why can’t I just find a job where I can work from home? I would do other people’s laundry for money. I just haven’t found anything, and no one is responding to my resumes.

As things go on I honestly am starting to think that I will never get a farm. That it would take us winning a lot of money or someone handing one to us. Our savings is gone with no hope of it coming back in the near future. So much for dreams huh? At this rate I don’t see kids in the future either. Is this how my life is going to be? Bouncing from job that I can get to job that I can get if I can get it and in the mean time living off the scraps the government gives us, making only enough to pay the bills?

It’s hard cleaning up the old place. I miss it and it’s a grim reminder of how close we came to having a farm. I love our new house, I’m just realizing we are going to be here longer than we thought. Sigh. I guess that’s life.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin 

I still miss him.

My grandpa that is. I dreamt about him yesterday. I’ve come to realize that’s his way of checking in on me. He knows I’m a sleeper and that way I can actually see him. The good part of the dream went on like a normal day at my grandparent’s house would be, then I realized that my grandpa is dead, yet in front of me. So I started crying, I hugged him, told him that I loved him, and that I miss him. After that the dream ended.

All this stuff with the new house is making me miss him more. He was such a Mr. Fix it that I would be able to ask him to walk me through a lot of this. I wonder if he would be proud of me. I miss his stories. I miss putting puzzles together with him. I miss how he would Hoover up any food you put in front of him.

My last memory of him when he was alive is him looking at me before I headed home after a visit. I said my goodbyes, but he stared into my eyes intently. I think he was saying that was the last time I was going to see him and that he was ok. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes and I’m thankful for that. It means a lot to me.

I do miss him so and it makes me happy that he comes and visits me from time to time. But that’s enough sappiness for the time being.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Let it all out.

Well we’re moved. Sorta. There are a few things that still need to be brought over, and the other place needs to be cleaned. So there is still moving type stuff to do.

This has been a whole big stressful experience. Brett knows I’ve been stressed out too. Coming home to me outside smoking a cigarillo and drinking a beer in the middle of the day is a pretty big sign that I’m stressed. It’s been stressful for him too. The only ones that have been taking this in stride are the animals. Funny huh? But other than Dipstick needing more exercise than we can give him at the moment, they are doing great.

We are going through a bit of a culture shock moving to a smaller place. We are still trying to figure out where to put all our stuff. We will get it all figured out though. Things are not complete yet though. I just got the dog gates hung today and I still need to put latches on them. The kitchen walls need to be sanded and painted before we can lay the new floor, before we can set up the pantry shelves, before we can bring the stove and fridge in. The living room needs to be sanded then painted. The lawn seriously needs to be mowed. But the weird thing is, is how cold it’s been getting. It makes me wonder how hard of a winter we are going to have.

I do like the house, I’m just getting overwhelmed by all the stuff that needs to be fixed and me not having the money right now to fix it. I’ve already made changes and compromises that I really didn’t want to just because I didn’t have the money to do what I wanted. This place is supposed to be an investment, but it right now seems like a money pit that I’ll never get my money back on, let alone make a profit off of. But I’m putting in a lot of sweat equity into this place, I just hope it pays off.

Not being able to find a job right now is really wearing on me. I’m looking and trying, but I’ve only had one real interview so far. It’s driving me nuts and I’m worrying about what is going to happen in the future.

I can’t say that life is horrid right now. It’s just really stressful. I’ll get through it and be ready for the next problem.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The leaves are starting to fall.

Meaning my favorite time of year is coming. Followed by cold and slick. Bah!

So the day for closing on the house is coming on fast and you guessed it, we aren’t packed. Stress is getting to us. People said getting a house was hard, but no one said it was going to be a butt rape. But finally on Thursday we will close. Then we have the fun job of moving our stuff. That’s going to be fun and a half. I just hope this time doesn’t end up like last time.

The electrician will be there Monday then he will give me a quote on the other electrical work. Looks like we are holding off on the fence for a bit. Dad has to help us replace the back door. I don’t know when I’m going to have a stove. I have never been so unprepared moving into a place, but there is nothing we could do. I’m just going to be surprised if I don’t have a mental break down and go off. Poor Brett, he might be the target of my fury too. We might not have TV or net for a month or 2 when we move. Depends on how fast Uverse moves. Until we get the electric taken care of I have to put the clothes out on a line to dry and before that I have to get a line set up. Vicious circle isn’t it? The kitchen and bathroom will have to be done bit by bit with cash that comes in, which will make cash tight, but we don’t have much of a choice.

I just hope we don’t go insane. 

I’m going to try to take classes to do admin work in hospitals. It pays good and the state pays for the classes. I’m also hoping I can get one of the many jobs down here. The classes only last 4 weeks, so I should be able to survive.

Well wish me luck through this ordeal. I’m going to get some sleep while that fuzzy kids and my insides let me. LOL! Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Stolen from Brett’s blog.

Ok let me start out saying that I’ve had a glass and a half of Bacardi hurricane so if I don’t make a lot of sense, I’m sorry.

There are friends that have made a difference in my life. I love them all and owe them a lot.

First there is my friend SM. I don’t remember first meeting you because we were still babies. But our summers were spent together and you were my first friend. Though we are polar opposites we get each other. And though we don’t talk much, if you call, I’ll be there.

Then there is my friend LL. I still remember in middle school at lunch when you took a seat next to me and introduced yourself. I remember I was so shocked that someone would approach me. But we soon became fast friends. We went through so much shit together. But we got through it and are still good friends. Much hugs girl.

There is also my friend KM. I don’t remember when I met you. I know it was through LL. I do know you were always a bright bubbly character. Though your thoughts and actions go with the wind I still consider you one of my good friends and that’s just the way you are. You are a free spirit and I don’t think anyone can change that.

Lastly there is Tokyo Cowgirl. I met you though your blog. It is heartfelt and entertaining. I enjoyed reading about your life, and you even reached out to me. Though you have your own crap to go through. You took time to help me out when my grandpa was dying and that means a ton to me. And that’s why I’ll always consider you a good friend.

Much hugs friends! Much hugs. I love you guys, in a not gay way. LOL!

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Shaken Foundations

Seriously, what in the world is happening?! Of course I saw my sister’s divorce coming and by no means am I dancing about it. But now 2 more couples close to me are calling it quits. Of course they aren’t blood family, but they are like family to me. I can not take sides on this because I love both sides, and I am not going to sway them in any way. It just hurts. It’s like family splitting up and honestly I didn’t see it coming. I thought their problems where just normal couple problems. I didn’t know it was making them suffer.

Honestly it’s shaking my foundations. It seems like all relationships are falling apart around me. Of course my parent’s haven’t broken up, but they are still at each other’s throats and dad doesn’t believe in divorce. Are relationships really so fragile? I don’t know what to think. It scares me. Not that I think Brett and I’s relationship is in trouble. But Brett leaving me for not being happy has always been a fear of mine. It’s just something I don’t understand. In no way do I assume to know the details or the way people feel and I do not mean anything towards anyone, but I just personally wonder how this could happen. How someone could date someone for so long and love them enough to get married, then everything change in such a short time. Again this is not meant to ANYONE, it’s just someone who has dated someone for 5 years and has only been married a year, that is now scared shitless because she is seeing serious relationships crumble around her.

Right now I want to curl up and cry. I feel so sorry for everyone involved in all of this. All I can do is be there for them, though I wish I could do more.

So much shit has been happening. The complications on the house thing has just been fucking ridiculous and I’m short steps from chewing out our mortgage consultant and real-estate agent. We just got a new puppy, who is trying my nerves. He’s a sweet pup but we are off to a rocky start, like I had with the Roar. It will pass, I just have to be calm. I’m trying to get a job, but I’m getting pissed that I can’t find anything that I’ll be happy with. And I wonder why I sleep so much. Hahaha. I really don’t know what to do about everything. I just hate situations where I have to sit back and do nothing, because there is nothing I can do.

Also LL I am getting your e-mails and I appreciate them. I’m sorry I take so long to respond if at all. My brain is all scrambled as you can see. I hope you aren’t taking it personally. Give your short tailed kitteh a hug for me.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

3 hours and $400 later.

So I went to the mandatory thing so I could keep my unemployment. On the way I fought to get cheap gas, a white chocolate mocha, and found out my alternator died. Great start huh.

Well the 3 hours were a waste. The guy didn’t really know a lot and pretty much said that we were at fault for not getting new jobs because our resumes are apparently not good enough. Also they held on to our IDs the whole time so we couldn’t sneak out. Then we were informed we had to come back for another mandatory thing or we loose our unemployment. And we have to use the state’s job search system or we might loose our unemployment. Way to make us feel good.

So after all that, I headed strait to Saturn to see if they could fix my car. Luckily it didn’t take too long, but I was set back just under $400. At least it was nice out. Plus is my car is fix now. Hopefully it will keep that way.

Been watching a lot of Penn and Teller’s Bullshit. I like it. It’s funny. But it does have a tendency to make you feel like a stupid douche for believing some of these things that you get told by the media. But at least we learn the truth in a hilarious way. It’s good that some of these things we already know.

House stuff is going really slow and stressing Brett out. Everything will turn out ok though. I just want it to be over already.

Took my sister to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Everything was great and she really seemed to appreciate it.

Well now to pass out on the couch and hope the cats don’t destroy the place. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

You have been randomly chosen to be screwed over.

Or at least it seem that way. I’ve been “randomly” chosen for a reemployment orientation through the work placement place that works with unemployment. Meaning they can force me into a job I don’t want and I can’t say a word about it or they will take away my unemployment. Not so fun. They say it takes three hours so that means it’s like any other work placement place where they send you through a battery of test to see what you can do then they tell you they will call you. So now my only looking for jobs I’d be ok with is going into anything I could survive through mode. I’m even looking at part-time jobs. Anything to keep from getting shoved into a job I will hate. I’ve been looking and putting in apps almost everyday, but still no serious nibbles. I still have some unemployment time left so I’m not that worried about that. And I was hoping I wouldn’t find anything till all the major projects at the new house were done. I admit I was hoping for a work at home job, but I doubt that will happen. I’m still pissed at my old job. They picked the shittiest time to let me go. Then they go and hire more people. They’ve been firing too, but it just makes me feel so worthless a disposable. I don’t think I could trust a job again not to screw me over. In the end I don’t know what to do.

My sister is getting divorced but she managed to get a new job. She is living with mom and dad so she’s doing ok. It’s sad that the house I grew up in is no longer going to be in the family, but there isn’t anything anyone can do. Nikki can’t afford to keep the place by herself and her ex isn’t going to give her any money. He never did before anyway.

I took my dad and nephew to the state fair yesterday. I had fun, but I was so worn out by the time I got back. My knee has been hurting today too.

Brett is stressing about the new house. I’m more stressing out about after the signing for it. All the stuff that needs to be done. The whole what needs to be done when, and how much it’s going to cost. What can be put off till after we get the tax rebate. There is the whole deal with the windows too. They need to be restored or replaced. A window cost about $170 a piece, but we can get a $100 tax rebate on each one, which will pound out to about $70 a window after the fact. Also new windows save energy and are easier to clean. But original windows add value to the house and are cheaper to restore that getting new ones. So you see my problem. I’ll most likely just restore them and get new storm windows for the place that don’t stick out like sore thumbs to save money.

Ok maybe I need to run down the list of things that need to be done to the place to let you all know what I’m dealing with. I will try to keep it in order of importance.

What needs to be done to the house.
1. The Fuse box needs replaced. $?
2. New plug for the dryer needs to be installed. $?
3. Plug for the stove need to be installed.$?
4. Wiring needs to be reran. $?
5. Security system needs to be installed. $900?
6. New back door and kitchen door. $400
7. Security doors put in. $?
8. New locks put in. $360
9. New stove. $400
10. More cabinets in the $200-400
11. Kitchen wall redone. $10
12. Windows fixed or replaced $100-1,900
13. New sink, faucet, and countertop in the kitchen $400?
14. New kitchen floor. $150
15. Bathroom redone. $?
16. Air conditioner installed. $?
17. Fence Installed $?
18. Roof redone. $?

And who knows what else might pop up overtime.

All and all it’s going to end up being pretty expensive. Not to mention the tools we will have to buy for all of this.

Also we close in 3 weeks and we still have to pack. Crazy isn’t it. But Brett said we could get a puppy, so maybe then Shiner can come live with us. One could hope. Well I think that’s all for now. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Stuck in a blah mood.

So much has happened and is going to happen. I really don’t know what to do.

We go to sign the papers for the mortgage app tonight. The inspection is next Monday and I have to start packing. Not just packing, sorting through our stuff to see what we keep and what goes into the garage sale. Being the pack rat I am, that does not make me happy. But we are moving into a smaller place and we just can’t fit all our stuff in it. Things are going to have to go that we haven’t messed with in the last couple of years. Like my old game systems. I’ll keep the PS2 and the game cube, but the sega saturn and the N64 are going have to go. I have to go through all my kitchen stuff and find out what has to go. I just won’t have the space for all of it.

I have worries though. Like will I be able to get rid of enough stuff. Can I keep the new house clean? I’m not good at that. It seems that when I clean up a room, it takes no time to get back to bad again. I just never have the will to keep up with it.

I don’t know what to do first. I would like on the day of closing use that day to clean the house and paint before we even move a thing in. Because once we start moving things in we won’t have the room to paint. Plus I need to put more cabinets in. There is just not enough cabinet space.

I want to be in there now. I want it over and done. I don’t like the transitional in-between feeling. There is nothing I can do about it though. I hate saying goodbye to this place. I’m already putting myself in the mindset of it’s not our place anymore. I need to be getting stuff done, but my un-sureness is keeping me in bed. I don’t know what to do.

I need to get out of bed and get ready for tonight. I don’t know if I can be Brett’s support on this anymore. I’m having a hard enough time keeping it together. Arrg! Can I just hide under a rock and someone call me when everything is done? I guess this is just home buying stress. But it will nice to have something that is truly home. That no one can tell me no I can’t do that to the place.

Well I have to get up and moving. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

I’m movin’ on.

More like just moving, hopefully.

Well after the huge depression of finding out that we won’t even be able to afford to rent this place next year, I needed to take a breath and rethink things. Also being cooped up in the house caused a lot of issues. Thankfully my friend Lisa came to my rescue Saturday. We had a yummy lunch at Tokyo Buffet, then walked around the Mall. Other than ranting about the incredibly short shorts that kids are wearing these days, I got to vent about my life and came up with a couple solutions to my problems. I got to also meet her cat, and he was the purry cute.

But after all of that Brett and I set up going to see a repo down the street. It was way out of our range repair wise. I then explained to our agent our budget and if we couldn’t get a place with enough land for Katelin in that budget, if we reduce that even farther, we could afford a house that we can stay in a while and afford to keep boarding Katelin. Mom thought I was giving the realtor a impossible task, but after a moment of thought, the realtor said she had a place that was uber cheap and in great shape, that we could see right then. Brett agreed to go see it and away we went. Well it was a cute little house in town. 2 bed 1 bath with a garage and a big yard. The house shows it’s age in the hardware and kitchen, AKA green floor and antique gas stove. It needs a air conditioner, but it’s in great shape and cute. Right off the bat I started making a list of things to do. Air conditioner, update electric. redo kitchen floor, strip and stain the doors and cabinets, plane the door bottoms, Knock out the wall between the sunroom and living room, redo the flooring in sun room and turn it into a dinning room, add more cabinets and counter space in the kitchen, redo the counter and sink in the kitchen, add storage in the laundry room, put up a fence, add a security system, look into a master suite add on.

We put a bid in on the place, we should be able to get it. We won’t stay there forever, 3 years minimum, but with improvements, the resale value of that place will soar. I will most likely drive Brett crazy with my wanting of improvements, but it will all be for us when we are there and to gain more when we sell the place so we can get our dream home. Truthfully I’m excited. I’ll get to get creative my way and we will have a place of our own that we won’t have to move out of in a year. ^_^ I know Brett is nervous, but he likes the place. Everything will be fine.

Things are starting to look up a little. But now I must try to sleep. Laters!Savvy?

-Aislin

It seems that life stinks like my cats’ litter box.

I had a phone interview today. I really don’t expect anything to come out of it.

I got a pink blackberry curve. Still trying to figure it out. It was kind of hard giving up Hagi, but I was offered a new phone and I didn’t know how long my other one would last.

So after a e-mail from my aunt, it seems that we won’t be able to afford to stay here another year, so all hopes of buying the place are gone. I guess I’m never going to be able to own a farm. Brett thinks we should rent an apartment, but I’m tired of temporary places. I’m already tired of moving. We aren’t going to be able to have a farm and a family, I get it now. The least the world can do is stop shifting us around everywhere. I’ve never moved around so much in my life. I’m a deep rooted person.

I just don’t get why I keep getting tormented by life. I knew it was a possibility that we couldn’t keep the place. But I didn’t know the rent was going to boot us out before we could buy someplace else. I really don’t know what to do. Really what is there to look forward to now. A life of a common worker bee? Where dreams are just fantasy and the only way to shuffle through life is to keep your head down, take your meds, and drink.

Even now a stupid part of me is trying not to give up. Trying to think of a way of still getting what I want. *sigh* I’m hopeless. I’m stupid for thinking things would work out if I kept facing forward and researching. But in the end I guess I’m just a failure that will continue to be haunted by dreams that might have been every night.

Night. It’s 1am and I still can’t sleep, but if the sun is up I can sleep. I’ve been told if I sleep all day that will happen, but even if I sleep all night I can sleep all day. Maybe it’s something hard wired in me. Maybe it goes back to my dad staying up all night rocking me. My dad gave up on his dreams, why did I think I could be different than him and make mine come true?

Sorry my blog has gotten emo of late. But that’s just how my life is. I don’t drink much anymore. I fear the feeling of hangovers. Plus it doesn’t seem to help at all. But beers are a little relaxing. Man I’m such a looser. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The job well is dry.

It’s getting quite frustrating. I’m trying. No I’m not to the point of running around filling out applications. Most places that I can do that with, don’t pay enough. Mostly I comb the net for horse or animal related jobs, then I look for normal jobs. Well so far there aren’t any horse or animal jobs available and now it seems the normal jobs have dried up as well. I can’t just take any job. I have to make as much or more than unemployment is giving me. Plus if I can avoid it, I would like to stay away from a job I would hate like customer service.

The truth is I’m afraid of taking on a new job. I don’t want to get fired again and I really don’t want a job I’ll hate and be miserable in. I’m so scared to take that leap. I’m still looking and if someone wants to interview me I’ll go, but what could be terrifies me. Also I thought when I was fired that this could be a opportunity to start up a horse business and now it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. Not only have I been stripped of my chance for a farm, but our money is severely depleted. I just feel so worthless. Like all my dreams have been smashed and I doomed to live a life where I’m just getting by. I really thought I could break away from my parent’s life. I guess I’m wrong.

I drive by horse farms and I’m bitter. I keep thinking why do they get to have a farm and I can’t? What makes them so special? And there are the people selling off their land. It pisses me off. They are tried of farming so they are just going to sell their land off to some developer? They have no love for the land that they worked so hard on all those years. If they really cared about it, they would find someone to keep it a farm, instead of caring about the money.

I’m tired. I’m tried of being lost. I’m tried of feeling worthless. I’m tried of hoping and dreaming only to get let down time and again. I’m tired of watching other people get what they want and I’m left with nothing. I’m tried of getting what I want dangled right out of my reach. I’m tired of these dreams where I’ve got what I want and am so happy, only to wake up and have reality hit me in the face like cold water. I’m tried of crying at night. I’m tired of not being able to sleep at night and wanting to do nothing but sleep all day. I’m just tried. I don’t know what else to do. I really don’t.

I wish something will come out and let me know if my dreams are going to come true or not so I can know what to feel. If I’m in for a big disappointment or not. If I’m going to spend my life hating myself for ever having a dream and believing it would come true.

I have no debt. How many people can say that now a days? I guess it means nothing. In truth it means nothing to no one. It’s just that I have less bills to deal with. I’m so upset that I can’t even bring myself to go out and see Katelin. Because I fear when all is said and done I’ll have to even give her up, because I’ll end up not being able to pay rent/mortgage(more than likely rent) and pay to board her. And if I can’t afford a horse, then I can’t afford to have a child. But seriously if it is true that dreams don’t come true no matter how hard you work, then why would I be cruel enough to bring a child into the world only to have their dreams shattered and they live in misery too.

I see how miserable Brett is and I can’t stand it. No matter what I do, he’s not happy anymore. I glimpse it from time to time. Mostly when he’s with his friends. I wish I could make him happy like that. I feel that I’m dead weight to him, dragging him in directions he doesn’t want to go. I feel like such a looser.

I need to take a shower. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Life is like a battle between a snake and a toad.

Short, odd, and no one knows it will end.

I watched Mikage, the resident ribbon snake go after a toad. The toad got away, but the whole thing was interesting to watch. It also got me thinking a bit. Other than why that silly little snake would try to go after that big fat toad.

Ok, I lied. All I was thinking about was the silly snake trying to get something that would never fit in it’s unhinged mouth unless it was cut up in quarters.

But seriously yesterday was interesting. First we lost Farrah Faucet after she had a long painful battle with cancer, then we lost Michael Jackson. Brett and I agree that we like his music, but we also agree that guy was also fucked up. I think it may be stemmed from his childhood. He really was never aloud to be a kid. He spent all his time in the spotlight and I’m sure that caused a lot of issues, but his death was sudden, and Farrah’s was long and drawn out. I think we should focus a little more on her. Yes both deaths are equally tragic, but there should be more of a focus on what Farrah went through. She tried everything and never gave up fighting her cancer, the whole time raising awareness about it. She should be given a little more spotlight and credit than someone who died quickly of heart problems.

There was a nice memorial show about both of them last night, that was on a equal setting. But the Today Show decided to dedicate today’s show to only Michael. What’s up with that!?!

Also the whole don’t talk ill of the dead thing is taking effect and everyone is shying away from the fact that Michael was accused of doing some pretty bad things. When you talk about a person, you need to talk about the whole person, not just some highlights that you put together to satisfy what you thought they should have been. I seriously wonder what it’s going to be like when OJ dies.

Dad is going to come over today to help me hang my new can crusher, fix the latch on the laundry room door, and take care of wasps that are trying to build a nest outside the back door. Yeah I’m capable of doing all of those things by myself, but I don’t have the tools for that so I need to borrow dad’s. Plus it will be nice to spend time with him.

The guys are doing a photo shoot for their website tonight so that will be fun. I might have to run out for pizza tonight, because I really don’t have anything to fix for all of them. Yeah I could order pizza, but that will be too expensive. I can just run down to Dominos or Little Caesars and get some pizzas for much cheaper.

The kittehs are asleep on the couch together looking soooo cute.


Well I need to get back to doing the dishes. Not fun at all. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Stumbling down the narrow trail.

I really don’t know if it was missing a couple days of my night meds, or if I was just having that kind of day, but Tuesday sucked. I had to stay up because my aunt was coming to mow so that made me a tad grumpy. But then I was informed, after I walked the yard that morning picking up sticks, that I didn’t do a good enough job. She wasn’t mean about it, but it made me feel like a failure. I had a ton of small failures all day, which made me feel like crap. When I went to go to my sister’s house I started crying. I felt like such a complete failure. I was so close to what I wanted. It was inches in front of what I wanted and I felt it was ripped away from me. Because of expenses and lack of incoming money not to mention the skimpy paychecks I got before I was canned. Drained my savings down to an amount that doesn’t make a great down payment on a house. I felt that my dreams were ripped away from me. We can’t afford a farm without help now. Mom says to be patient my aunt will get tired of the place and sell. That’s the problem though. We can’t afford it, even at a reduced cost. There is nothing with land that we can afford.

I just feel like I’m getting tormented. Here I am in a great house with plenty of land, and I’m not aloud to use it. Then I noticed the  other day that the rain has washed away a good patch of seeds in the field right at the front. Enough to be a good sized pasture for a horse. I go outside after someone mowed and it smells like hay and I want to cry. It’s like being on the other side of the glass. I can see it but I can’t grasp it. Am I cursed? Am I doomed to live the life of my upbringing. Living on the edge of poverty. Making just enough to pay the bills, but never making enough to have what I really want. I watch my dad struggle to this day. I just though it had to do with a decision he made. He chose a family over his dreams and he chose a woman who will keep him on the financial edge. But now I think about it. He always said that when he lived on his own that he was working 2 to 3 jobs to pay the bills. He even said that the reason he moved in with mom before they got married was because his roommates baled on him and left him with all the bills. He even had to borrow the down payment for the house from grandma. Is this the life I’m doomed to? I tried to get out of retail because it never pays well. But I still ended up getting nowhere. I’m so ashamed that I can’t get towards owning a farm, that I stopped going to see Katelin. I know that’s wrong and I shouldn’t use it as an excuse. And if we have to move into a small place or an apartment in the next couple of years, then I might need to just sell her. Because it will be obvious we will never be able to own a farm and I will never be able to give her the attention she deserves.

I just want to bang my head against the wall. I was in such a dark place yesterday. I try not to burden Brett with these things because I know he feels bad enough, but it seems like he doesn’t have a good day anymore. I can’t even make his life better. Is that the way things are going be for the rest of our lives. A pair of miserable. There is nothing Brett can do to make my dreams come true, so I don’t want him being upset about it. But I wish I could get at least him to be back to where he is happy again. I try everything I can. But nothing seems to work. It seems that the problem is something I have no control over. I so much want him to be happy. I just don’t know how to make him that way.

I really need to grow some figurative balls and talk to my aunt. The worst she can say is no, then I will know that holding on to this place is nothing more than cheap rent and I need to look somewhere else for permanent. Grr! I’m tired of others having what they want and I am the one that is left with the bad luck and what I want just out of reach. God damn this economy and fuck everyone in management at my old job!

Ok, I’m done now. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

A lesson of Gran Torino

I just got done watching Gran Torino with Brett. I’m telling you what. There is nothing better than good chili, a Smithwicks, and a good movie. The movie was fucking amazing.

Brett had a problem with all the racial slurs that were thrown around especially at the beginning. Growing up around that, it didn’t bother me as much. Pretty much it’s a story of a old grumpy and lonely man who just lost his wife and is at odds with his kids. He is one of the last white people left in his neighborhood and is grumpy about that to. He develops a friendship with a neighbor kid who tried to steal his car. He teaches the kid to have a spine and some important life lessons and the kid and his family teach him about living. Being an old Korean war vet he is haunted by the killings. You think he will have no problem with more. He chooses not to kill, but secures a way to keep his neighbors safe. I cried at the end and the movie was hard to watch at times. Why, because the character being a lifetime smoker, was dying of cancer and coughing up blood. This soon after loosing my grandpa to that it struck close to home. It was a good movie and I’m still crying a bit.

Now on to happier things. I made chili today which is awesome. Happy Birthday Tokyo Cowgirl! If you were here I would make you a cake. ^_^

I got a new potato peeler and managed to cut my finger on it when I was cleaning it. I’d say it works. I burnt my hand when hot tomato sauce splashed up on it. I”m becoming a klutz in the kitchen. I need more practice. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

No accomplishments for me today.

Seriously. I slept until about noon and woke up with the same headache that I had yesterday evening. So after a few minutes I ended up going back to bed. Brett wasn’t much better. His poor stomach hates him today, so he is going to bed early today.

I wanted to get to work on the nail holes and cracks on the walls today. Finish cleaning up in the kitchen, clean some in the living room. Get the clean laundry put away and make chili. Instead I spent the day in bed and ate once. I barely eat anymore.

I went out with dad to Loews where I got some supplies, like fire extinguishers. I had to get a new toilet seat for the main bathroom since the other one broke. It took me an hour, a screwdriver, adjustable wrench, and a crowbar to get the old toilet seat off. The new seat went on in less than 5 minutes.

I want to become handier. There are so many thing that need to be done around here, but I’m afraid to start. I’m definitely am going to put a large garden out back next year. I’m also thinking about getting Murry McMurry chicks and splitting them with Nikki this fall, so we will have egg laying chickens next spring. I wasn’t ready for chickens this year, but especially if we are aloud to keep Katelin here.

I really need to talk to Angie. I would honestly work 2 retail jobs to be able to build a barn and a horse business here, where I can buy this place with Brett. I really do love this place and watching the resident bunny and the little chipmunks run around is peaceful.

Man I’m tired. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Clean till your feet hurt.

Seriously, that’s what I did. But let me back up a bit.

Shank was sick all last night and had a fever this morning. The fever broke around 10 and he finally ate at noon. The vet said he just had a bug and is now getting over it. He gave me something to tame his upset stomach and he seems to be back to his normal self.

I took Shiner back to mom and dad’s she didn’t drink any while she was here, so I should only have her here for short visits.

When I got home I started cleaning. I didn’t get the dishes done. But I moved all the boxes into the back room bagged up all the trash and recyclables and they are ready to be dealt with. I cleared off the table and chairs. Then I cleared off the counter for some much needed space. I swept the kitchen floor. Then arranged the stuff by the wall. I cleaned up the main bath.The shower and floor need to be cleaned but everything else is clean in there. I even put one of those scrubbing bubbles gel blob in the toilet in a attempt to keep it clean. Because apparently with well water, no matter how much you flush it gets really nasty in the toilet fast.

I found out that CLR Bath and Kitchen cleaner is excellent for killing bugs. Two short direct sprays on a wolf spider and that sucker flips over on it’s back, twitches a bit, then Fuck Raid! I’m stocking up on CLR. Plus where ever you spray it, it cleans it. So it’s a bonus. I would also imagine that regular cleaning with the stuff would deter bugs from wanting to come around.

Today was my dad’s birthday, so he came over and I made him Hamburgers and a chocolate cake. I gotta say this, standing mixers are a gift from the goddess. I have never made a cake so quickly in my life. I gave dad a thing of chocolate covered peanuts, and he talked to me while I hobbled around the kitchen cooking. My feet hurt soooooo bad after all that cleaning I did. There was a lot of walking back and forth. But I had a good visit with dad. I hope he did too. I made sure he left with a big Tupperware of cake. Rory loved visiting with her grandpa. She put on her charm to him, giving him her best cute faces. She even sat on one of the chairs at the table while we ate. I gave her a couple pieces of cheese and dad called her spoiled. Shank even visited with him for a short bit, but wasn’t happy when dad helped me give him his medicine.

We talked for about 3 hours and then dad headed home. Brett was asleep the whole time. Poor guy was just worn out from worrying about Shank all day. I woke him up when dad left and he ate his share of dinner. Now he’s watching Mixed Marshal Arts while bouncing his legs. My silly man. Well I need to head off to bed soon. Hopefully tomorrow I can get a shower and wash the dishes. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Of the warm of Shine.

I went and got Shiner from my parent’s house. She is currently warming up my chair with her puppy furnace. Rory seems to have adjusted My dreams have been all messed up lately. Bad mixed with good, nothing like they use to be. It’s driving me crazy and making it hard for me to sleep at night.

I’m having trouble getting to sleep at night. I get up early to make sure Brett gets out the door on time and so I can make his lunch for him, but I end up going back to bed and sleeping till 10 or 12.

I’m kind of hoping that Shiner will get me a little more motivated. But she is a bit of a snooze hound herself.

I haven’t been able to find any animal jobs I also haven’t had enough get up and go to do anything. This is the first time I felt like writing in a while. I haven’t even replied to e-mails.

I’m a bit of a mess. I resent the place I worked at so much that I wish it would just go to hell. But Brett still needs a job so I bear it. But It’s hard to hear about anything that goes on there. Good or bad.

I really don’t know what to do and it frustrates and scares me. I don’t want to go back to the kind of jobs I hate. At first I thought this is the chance to go into business for myself, but it doesn’t seem to be working out that way.

I really don’t want to give up this house. I love it. Yes it needs work, but it’s solid and most of the stuff that needs done, I can do, and others can help me with. I know I get frustrated because practically everything in this house is hand made. But it can be fixed and changed. Ever since I got canned I wanted to work on the house, get things done that need to be. Yes cleaning should be first priority, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of investing time in this place, and getting my heart broke because we can’t keep it. I want to put a garden out back and a chicken coop. Both things I have been given permission to do, but I’m afraid to do it. That and I don’t think Brett will find it good use of my time.

I keep wanting to ask Angie if I can set up a barn out back to start getting some boarders in to help us buy the place, but I’m so afraid to ask her. I’m afraid of her turning us down. I’m willing to just about anything. Even if I have to work anywhere retail till I get enough boarders to pay the bills. I’m not looking to be a millionaire. I’m just looking to make enough money to pay the bills and raise happy and healthy children. I think my dream is simple enough.

All the starter farm loans I found, you have to be working the same type of farm job that you want to start up for 3 years to qualify. If we can keep a horse business going for 3 years here, I can qualify for a loan to buy the place. Maybe I shouldn’t get my hopes up. I just don’t know what to do. It’s enough for me to want to bang my head against the wall, then I would need to patch it or course. LOL!

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

In the night when we don't know if we are living or not.

I'm really starting to love that song from Get Backers.

So yeah. I know I haven't posted in a while. Well it has a little to do with the fact that I got fired. Yep miss thinking that she is important and needed got canned like yesterday's tuna. And how did I handle it? Well after I figured out that the cunt that fired me wasn't joking, I started to cry. I was able to keep myself sort of together until Brett came out. Then I lost it to the point of hyperventalating. I managed to get ahold of myself after a while Brett took me to Ma and Pa's were I drank 2 bottles of wine.

Well I'm not happy, but I'll survive. At least Brett still has his job. The worst part is that our chance of getting house came crashing down. At least we have somewhere to live though.
*sigh* Sorry really not up to blogging. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Gather up your tears and throw them back up to the sky.

Well tonight was interesting. I drove by a potential house and I liked it. We should be looking at it this week. I drove up to Ma and Pa's house to wait for Brett after the race. We had awesome steak for dinner. I also drank a bottle of wine and a Miller Light. Which makes me wonder too things, will Tums make things worse and what is considered three sheets to the wind. I went to have dinner with my parent's last night. Dad, can't cook a steak. Good thing Pa can, or we would pat $10 every time we wanted a good steak.

It was just me and the kittles last night which led to me being parinoid for being alone. But I survived. I need to spray for bugs, because the spiders are trying to invade.

Ma and I sat out on the deck with a fire in the chiminiea and I was enjoying nature, good wine, and country music on the radio. It was great. We saw a tree frog on the kitchen window so I had to take a pic. Seen here.

Sorry the pic sucks. I tried to clean it up, but it was at night taken with my cell.

I'm so tired, but I don't want to go to bed just yet.

Also I read a list of the hot or not bikini bods. Apparently I'm a not. They are down right cruel on these. We aren't perfect, get over it. The normal person can't keep a super model figure and to make them feel like they shouldn't even put on a one piece is not fair at all. It really brings down everyones self esteem and pisses me off. Apparently I need to go out and get lipo, before I should be aloud to wear a suit, let alone a bikini. What in the world are things coming too? Gods, the world is so fucked up with concepts of "beauty", that we never see the true beauty, of others. Just pisses me off. Well my eyes are closing without permission, so I better go. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Don't worry, the company isn't closing.

Though we canned your boss.

I'm not kidding there. My boss was fired. I really don't know what to think of it to tell you the truth. But it came as a huge shock to everyone. He's already been replaced. Sod is a good person and Brett said she is good to work under, so I'm kind of looking forward to it.

Things have been kind of up in there air the last couple of days. They didn't have any work for us so we were to go home early and we were not to come in yesterday. They even told me, the friendly neighborhood receptionist that has to come to work when everyone else gets the day off, had to stay home. I have to admit I was worried. But they said work is coming in again, they just had to change around some stuff. So that's good.

I was going to download some new anime songs for my iPod, but I got caught up watching the last of the second leg of Full Metal Panic. I love that anime. I really do. I wish I could make Souske and Chidori Sims. But I don't think the sims programing can handle making someone so rigid awkward as Souske. LOL!

Went to see the Wolverine movie. It was awesome. Brett won me a Kakashi-sensei from the crane game. It made me so happy. Yes my husband winning a small plush toy out of a arcade game makes me happy. When we were dating he would win me stuff out of it every time we went to a movie. It just reminded me that in all this chaos that we are going through. Some things are still the same. ^_^

Well the kittehs are m'owing for their dinner, so I better feed them and skitter off to bed. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

A sunday drive.

We drove by the house in Danville. It's really out there. Goodness. It's only about a mile away from SM and JM. On the way to Ma and Pa's we took back roads. It was nice I saw some countryside and cows. Some baby cows. I realized I got sunburned yesterday. Not fun. But it was a nice sunday drive and I enjoyed it.

I ended up taking a sort nap at the house. We had pizza for lunch and tacos for dinner. Yum!

I've started watching the second series of Full Metal Panic. Really, Souske and Chidori really need to just do each other and get it over with. I do like the show though. I want a big paper fan.

Three day weekend next weekend. Yay! Can't wait. Really can't wait. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I guess I have a case of the Sunday blues. Life goes on. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

A day of rain and cars.

Yo. I know I've been lacking on my blogging but sims 2 and online anime has hooked me. I will try to keep up with it.

Ok now that my meds are where they should I've noticed a few things. I'll get shaky if I don't take my day meds. And my balance on stairs will never be the same again. I think I'll survive as long as I have something to hold onto.

I went out to the track with Brett today. Numnuts that was supposed to go with us, blew Brett off again. Only for Brett to get a text message from him at 7:30 with a lame excuse. Brett didn't want to go after that, but I convinced him to go. We walked around in the rain I got a Hideki Mutoh shirt from the Danica Patrick merchandise booth. Oh it said Andretti Green on the trailer but 99% of the merchandise on it was Danica related. WTF!? I haven't seen such over publication of a person with no talent since William Hung.

Well we walked and walked, and walked in the rain. I drank a Mike's Hard Lemonade and we walked some more. We finally got to the bleachers in the middle of turn one. My ass is still wet from the failed attempt to use a plastic bag as a barrier against the wet seat. We watched as they dried the track I snuggled with Brett a bit. We watched Milky Donuts white wall a tire between turns one and two. It was decent considering the majority of the drivers were scared of the track. I had fun and a corn dog. My back was killing me as we headed to the car, so Brett drove home and we decided to not go by my parent's house.

I missed the Preakness Stakes, forgot to record it. I watched the race replay online. All I can say is Holly Crap! Not only did the filly Rachael Alexander beat all the other horses, she creamed them. She was in the lead the whole race, then at the end sped up to leave them all in the dust. That filly has talent.

I went out and picked up sticks in the rain for nothing yesterday. Mr. Asshat didn't come and mow today. He actually did something smart by realizing it is just too wet to mow. Brett and I are going to drive by a house in Danville on the way to Ma and Pa's house. I'm looking forward to a semi lazy day and so is my back. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Shopping's a headache.

Well not always, but I got a headache after coming back from grocery shopping. Oy, my poor head. Well it has been the biggest thing I've done since I got sick, so I shouldn't be surprised.

I did keep it under budget and I should I have enough to last till next pay period. I went to Marsh. They have worse prices than Target, but I managed to get out for less than normal. Still trying to figure that out. I'll go back to Target next time, but I enjoyed how quiet Marsh was today. I really wasn't in the mood for dealing with a lot of people.

Mom went up to grandma's for the night. I found that out when I got home. Good thing I didn't decide to stop by to wish her a happy mother's day. I'll just call her later.

My cats are chair cats. They are either on a chair or a couch when they are aloud to roam the house. Shank likes Brett's video game chair. Rory steals the Steiner Recliner when Brett isn't in it. She also sleeps on the slide rocking chair. They are silly kittehs.

My Brett Brett is back and all is right with the world. He got a new video game, so all is right in his world. He is tormenting Rory again, so everything is crazy in her world. Shank could care less as long as he is fed.

Well I need to get back to virtual house hunting. Still need to find a place.

Brett just took back the remote, so my weekend of controlling the big TV is over. Now it's back to racing and House.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

What to do on a sunny day.

Well there are tons of things to do, but mostly I'll just go to the store. There is laundry to be done and dishes to be washed. Seriously they need to be washed as in no drinking glassed are left. Down to a spoon and fork sort of thing. It's amazing how bad things can get when you are sick. The dishes will most likely wait until after work tomorrow, if I still have a job. I left them hanging when the Company Pres was in town. I feel so bad about it. But I was sick. It's not like I was staying home on purpose. It won't matter if the pres thinks I should go. It would be horrible if I lost my job. Our dreams of getting a house would be dumped down the drain. I'm trying not to worry about it though. Because worrying about it will solve nothing and just make me sick again.

I had cereal for lunch. Glamorous I know. But my options are limited, so cereal it is. That's why I need to go to the store. I might go down to Marsh today. I don't need beef, so it should be ok. I just want to avoid the Target crowd and if I go to Target I might want to buy a summer dress and I really shouldn't right now.

I love my kittles they have been with me the whole time I was sick, trying to make me feel better with there fuzzy warmness. Though at times Shank tried to cut the blood flow to my legs with his weight.

Brett texted me with happy mothers day, this morning. It made me happy. Though eventually I would like to be a mother to a human, instead of just animals. But with expenses and everything, I'm not sure that will be able to happen.

Brett is off at his parent's house, watching their dogs. I miss him and my paranoia is running rampant yet again. I don't think I will be mentally right till he gets home. That and I'm jealous he got steak for dinner last night. I've never done well by myself also. My paranoia gets the best of me and I start to worry about someone breaking in or something. Which results in me walking around the house checking the doors and windows umpteen million times, with a baseball bat in my hand. Yeah, I admit it, I have issues. What else do you expect from a person that rarely has been alone in her life.

But still Brett will be home tonight and I will follow him around like a puppy for an hour till he gets annoyed and tells me to back off. I can't help it. I miss him so much when he's gone. I just want to squeeze him forever after he gets home. He doesn't like that much though and looks at me like I'm crazy.

Well I need to get to the store and back. I also need to run a load or two through the washer. I should have got going earlier. I could have put some clothes out on the line to dry. Ah well, I keep talking about it and never doing it.

Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Sleeping with Tsubaki.

For the past 3 days I have been sick. I haven't been sick to the point where I had to stay home more than a day for years. It's not been fun. I've felt like crap and been bored out of my mind. You'd think with unlimited access to the net, I would find a way to entertain myself. Not so really. Since I got sick. I moved Tsubaki into my bedroom with me. The way I have things set up I just set her off to the other side of the bed and go to sleep. So I've been sleeping with Tsubaki. Lazy I know.

As much as I love skipping out of work, I'd rather go to work and deal with the company president that feel as bad as I did these past days. That's sad isn't it. I promise I wasn't playing hooky. I really was sick. I'm feeling much better now, though I would like to get rid of these headaches.

They finally got my meds straitened out. It works well for me. From what I can see I have no more shakes. Which I am very happy about. Stupid CVS with assuming things instead of asking questions.

We aren't able to get the house we wanted. We are sad about it, but we knew it was a possibility so we are ok with it. I keep trucking on. Which also means annoy Brett with house prospects. He's been a trouper though. He's got a part time job as the IRL writer for the Examiner. It doesn't pay much, but he's getting published and that could lead him to other things in the future. I'm proud of him for getting the job.

I tried to find a clean video chat place. I found out there isn't one. Though there are designated places for the pervs, they still lurk around the normal ones. I wanted to reach out to the outside world after being locked up for 3 days, and to test Tsubaki's webcam, so Rory became the star of the show. It's kind of hard for a guy to say show me your tits when they are looking at a sleeping cat. I did get a few normal people that wanted to just talk. One turned her camera on her cat so I could see it. But all in all it was a bad experience and I have to resign myself to the fact that there is no chat place that is pervert free.

Well I'm tired so I think I'll drift off to sleep. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

A break in the clouds.

I took Brett to his appointment at the orthopedist. Where the doctor informed us that the tendons at the end of his hamstring were aggravated and a cortisone should fix everything. So he got the shot, and I manage to convince the doctor to at least give him something stronger than an aspirin till the pain goes away.

We then went to see my grandmother only to find out that my mom and dad had brought my nephew up to grandma's while they cleaned out the garage for her. So a simple lunch with my grandma turned into a cluster fuck and Brett and I getting further proof of why we shouldn't leave any kids we have in the future with my mom for any period of time.

We went out to Old Country Buffet and ate well. Then we skittered out to go pick up our meds, they had finally straitened mine out. My dosage gets upped tomorrow. Not looking forward to that. We got home and settled down for the evening. We had pizza for dinner, I got the trash out before it got dark. Yay me! I also managed to get a load of laundry done, and get a much needed shower. Tomorrow It's supposed to start raining again for days, so I'm not going to be able to laundry again for a while.

I have to deal with the company president tomorrow. I managed to avoid having to be at work and dealing with her today, but I have no excuse for tomorrow. Nor can we afford any more days off. *sigh* I think I can pretend to be someone I'm not for 9 hours tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it in the least.

I wish I knew why the president of the company doesn't like me so much. I get along great with the vice president and everyone else that isn't a regular back stabber or can actually keep it all in the toilet when they go to the rest room. Yeah, we have problems with that at work. We know who it is that is doing it, but can't call them out on it. Gross I know.

At least it was nice out today, which made the drive home pleasant. Brett has to walk around with a cane for a little while longer, but eventually everything will right it's self and he can go without it. At least that's what we were told. I hope so, because I hate to see my Brett in pain.

Well I need to get up earlier than normal tomorrow so I can put on makeup. Grr. I want to use makeup when I feel like it, not when I'm being forced to.

Also check out Failblog.org Brett and I were giggling over it today and sending each other failblog videos. It's worth the look see. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The hulu zombie.

Yeah, I've discovered hulu and the commercials are right. You do get addicted to it. I spread the addiction to Brett too.

Brett went to Best Buy yesterday and overdid the walking around thing and wasn't up to going to his parent's house. My poor Brett Brett, he's not use to walking with a cane yet.

I managed to do one load of laundry today. Hopefully I will be able to do another one tomorrow. I hate living on a crappy septic system. All winter it was fine, but I didn't know the yard gets so water logged in the spring. Standing water means the septic can't drain well and water can back up. A major drawback of spring. Almost makes me want to wash dishes in big basins outside so I'm not sending water into the septic. Same with washing clothes. Arg!

Well one day of work before we go to Brett's appointment. I hope he does ok at work. I don't want him in a lot of pain at the end of the day.

Tsubaki is all charged up, but I'm not going to take her in the bedroom tonight. I need to get to sleep here soon, and I will be too temped to stay up all night surfing the net, and I already spent all day on it. Time to let her rest. Night! Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Words from Tsubaki.

So, I you know how I was bragging about how well my laptop was running after all these years? Well I shouldn't have opened my big mouth, because my dell decided that it couldn't run the Internet anymore. Sucks huh. That's Murphy's law for you. Well I promptly got on the phone to Staples and asked if they had the same laptop I got for Brett. They didn't but they had a HP that was similar and was cheaper. Sold! I drove down there, bought it and was back to watch the Kentucky Derby pre-race. BTW when a long shot like Mine that Bird won the race, it just further proved that you shouldn't bet on the big races.

So now I have a swank new lappy that I named Tsubaki, which after watching the latest episodes of Naruto Shippuden, mean Camellia Flower. I like the word that and Tsubasa, which means wings. But back to the subject. I love Tsubaki, she runs so well and her wireless card rocks! Don't worry, my dell still has a purpose, we are going to turn her into a library computer to store things. Waste not and all of that.

My poor Brett is in a lot of pain right now. We are going to an orthopedist Tuesday, but I still wish there was something I could do for him. If they can't fix what's wrong, I'm going to change the way I look for a house. I'm going to have to find a place where it's easy for him to get around with a cane, so no stairs.

A place where I can handle most of the work myself, since he is limited on what he can do. I'm sure I can find a place, but I would prefer to have him better and not in pain anymore.

I found a website called Sailor Moon Abridged. It's hilarious. They took the Sailor Moon episodes and dubbed there own words over it. Everyone needs to check it out.

I watched a show on hulu for the first time. The quality was amazing. Yes the buffering was annoying, but it's nice to go full screen with something and not have it all blurry and pixelized. I definitely recommend it.

I had to slosh through the yard to pick up sticks so douchbag magee that my aunt hired could come and mow. Seriously, what moron mows after tons of heavy rains in a yard with standing water? I swear if the grass was a foot underwater, he'd still try to mow it. Then accuse me of not picking the sticks and asking him to keep it down. That f'ing pisses me off.

Brett wants everyone to know that he won the Indy 500 on Batracer. He's silly.

Well I'm going to continue messing around on the next, drinking Black Cherry wine. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

But I can't stop the rain.

Brett's MRI was a bust. They didn't find anything. Now he has a appointment with an orthopedist Tuesday. If that doesn't work, it's off to a sports medicine doctor. I don't know where else from there. Where's House, when you need him? Of course he would run a bunch of expensive tests, but he might find out quicker than all these doctors.

Brett's already getting tired of seeing doctors. Can't say that I blame him, but we have to find out what's wrong with him. I'm afraid of him calling it quits because of money. He said he would rather limp around in pain for the rest of his life, instead of draining our money to were we couldn't get a house. That kind of shocked me. I didn't know he felt that way. Then I wondered if it was because of me. I started re-evaluating my priorities. Was a farm more important than stopping him from being pain. If it took all my savings I would give it to make him better. We would work something out from there. He is more important to me than a farm or a house.

This whole thing is really starting to wear on him, along with all the other crap that's been happening. I feel sorry for him. I wish there was something I could do to make it all better, but I can't. I feel bad having him walking around looking at houses tonight, but it seems that he's going to still be in pain for awhile so putting it off isn't going to help. I just hope we have a good night, then we can go home and he can get off his leg by laying in the Steiner Recliner and surf the net on Lappy Gilmore, his new laptop. He's having to walk with a cane now. It's like I've got my own fuzzy House hobbling around.

That's all for now. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The rain does have an end.

I figured I would let everyone know that my life isn't all shit. Other than having my Brett Brett and fuzzy children. There are good things that happen every once and a while. Brett got his new laptop so he is happy about that. I was able to set up wireless on mine so I can move around the house with it, but for some reason my reception goes down some in my bedroom. I currently have my laptop on my stomach while I'm in bed. Hey it works for me.

Brett's car is running better than when he bought it, so he is very pleased. I have a feeling a oil change is due soon for me. I'm afraid of what they will find when I take it in. But for now that is all behind us.

We go to look at some houses tomorrow, hopefully that will go well. I would like for things to continue to look up. Maybe we had enough lows that we have earned some much needed highs.

Well I need to get to sleep. I can't sit up all night typing and watching anime, as much as I want to. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

The Real Folk Blues

Search for that song online. It's Cowboy Bebop's ending theme. You don't have to speak the language to get the feel of the song.

Yep that's how a feel right now. Becks is still not making good, we ended up getting stuck between them and the dealership. Stressed beyond belief, I called the Wookie. He fixes cars, more as a hobby than anything, but I trust him to know more about cars than I do. After a short explanation of what our current problem is. A fuel filter. After a question and answer session, he told us to trust the dealership. They are less likely to screw us over and know the most about the car. So we are back where we started. I doubt we will get any money back from Becks, but I'm tired of being jerked around and our savings drained due to sheer greed and stupidity.

Now comes ass rape number 2. Our insurance went up $30, along with a doubling of the copay amount. How much farther do they want me to bend over? *sigh* I did add Aflac's Cancer coverage. To keep us from another possible screwing, because if we don't have it, one of us would probably get it just out of the world's mere spite of us.

I know I sound bitter, but I'm tried of getting pushed down in the mud and kicked while I'm down. It's stressing Brett out too. We just got him to where he was feeling better and now he's stressing about all of this. He feels bad and keeps apologizing that I have to give up money for his car. He still thinks our savings is my savings. Yes it's in my account, but it's there for emergencies. I just would like for it not to be gone by the time we get a house.

Speaking of houses. We really can't skirt the edge on mortgage payments now that our pay has been fleeced by insurance. So our slim options are even slimmer.

He head honcho is going to be in town Tuesday and she wants me to work on my energy. Even my boss isn't clear on what that means. I sure hope she doesn't fire me because she doesn't like me. That will probably be the the straw that breaks the camel's back. Looks like I'm going to have to turn myself into a totally different person for the day. I hope I can make it through.

Well I'm going to get to cleaning up. She doesn't like the front area messy. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

No pickles.

Well today was interesting. Getting up at 5:30am tends to foreshadow that. I had to take Brett to get an MRI on his knee. Of course it happened to be pouring outside, so thanks to the leaks in my car, it was raining inside and out. We get there early, and that goes ok. I treated him to breakfast at Bob Evans, then we head home. He grabbed some Zs and I just snuggled with the cats till it was time to take his car to the shop.

Ok, so far it doesn't seem to be a interesting day, but just wait.

We dropped his car off at the dealership repair shop, since no one else can tell what's wrong with it. They are overly polite, not being use to that we were a little surprised. We head off home and an hour later we get the diagnostics call.

First of all when we took the car to Becks by home for a tune up, they put the wrong coolant in the car. This isn't some fly by night place, they came recommended by my dad, because he knew them. Well they FAILED! It turns out that the problems with the car are nothing related to the codes pulled from the car. A couple weeks about we spent $100 bucks for them to find out what was wrong with the car. Their diagnostics, that it was a faulty EGR valve. The same one that was replaced back in January. Brett asks the tech 3 times, is there anything else that could be causing this problem. They said no. Pissed off, Brett tracks down a new EGR valve and replace it, and gets a refund for the so called faulty one. The problem keeps happening, getting slightly worse. Brett goes to Auto Zone and gets the codes pulled on the car. It says a number of things, like a bad EGR valve and O2 sensor. I finally had enough and we take the car to the dealership, because they would know that type of car better than anyone.

They said it was exhaust valve leak, a problem with the starter, one of the engine mounts collapsed, and it had the wrong coolant in it. None of these things Becks caught in the inspection. Fail 1!

Becks is known for their mufflers and exhaust, and they didn't catch a exhaust valve leak? Fail 2.

Becks flushed the coolant when they did the tune up, so they put the wrong coolant in the car. Fail 3.

Brett calls Becks and tells them that the dealership said that the coolant was wrong. Asshat at Becks pull the paperwork and says they used the right coolant, (the coolant is supposed to be blue, and it was green) and that sometimes dealerships can put one over on you, and that if you shine a light into the system, it can make the coolant look green. Asshat says they put the right coolant in but if we wanted to bring the car in they would flush it and put coolant in it again. Brett calls the dealership back to get that the wrong coolant was put in the car in writing and double checks to make sure that the coolant was indeed wrong. The dealership tech that it was no problem getting that in writing and they just drained to coolant to flush it, and it was indeed green. Ok, what color blind Fuckmook, tech can drain coolant from a car, see that it is blue, then turn around and put green coolant in? (the color tells the type of coolant) Fail 4.

Tomorrow we pick up Brett's car and get the paper saying that Becks fucked up. Then we are trotting ourselves over to Becks with paper in tow and demanding the money for the diagnostics and the coolant flush back, because they have now cost us $1450 in repairs on the car that should have been caught earlier. Who knows if the fucking EGR valve was bad in the first place, which "needed replaced" when the car was in the shop for the tune up, so these problems could have been there and they didn't notice. We will simply tell them that if they don't refund the money that we will file a complaint with the BBB. We are also going to inform them that we are no longer going to take our vehicles there and neither are my parents. That's 4 cars they will never work on again. Lest see if they hit Fail 5. Fuckmooks.

Getting back to the timeline of the day, my mother decided to come over and bring her friend from up north. I by the way hate this friend of her's and can not stand the woman. They come in and fawn over the Roar, and Shank hides. Shank hates my mom, because she torments him and calls him fat kitty. Shank lets Brett hold him so my mom's friend can see him. He knows he's safe from torment in Brett's arms. They chatter on and on, telling up horrible stories. Then they left. Only to have my mom call me during my "yearly exam", embarrassing the hell out of me.

We are going to see a couple of houses Thursday, and one we were excited about already has an offer on it. Which sucks ass. But I did research on it. What they have is a First Right to Purchase agreement with the owner. Which means they put in a offer, but they won't commit to buying until they sell their house, if they can sell their house. It's not solid. If little ol' me comes along and likes the house, I can put an offer on the house, if the owner likes the offer and accepts it, then the people with the agreement have a set time like 24-48 hours to give a definite yes, we will buy it, or they fore fit their right to it. Then the place is mine. Muahahaha! But seriously there is hope in that situation, or the owner can tell us to fuck off. And the people with the agreement might go ahead and buy the place. But there is hope, and if people don't want to buy a place till their sold, they might not have enough money to own both and be forced to give up their right to it.

Well I've been up since 5:30, so I'm going to bed. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin


Yes I know that the picture has nothing to do with what I wrote in the blog, but they are cute and I wanted to show them off. ;P

Life is a boat.

Sometimes it's calm waters, other times some idiot comes by and rocks it and you end up falling in the drink.

But seriously I love the song 'Life Is A Boat' by Rei Fu, it's a good song. I'm loving my iPod. I listen to it at work, and I listened to it during the Indy Car race yesterday. I also listened to it on the way home. I was still buzzing good after drinking nearly a bottle of wine and Brett's parent's house so when Caramell Dansen came on Sakura I started dancing to it in the car. Eventually Brett told me to stop, because it was distracting. They should consider the Caramell Dansen dance a workout routine, because it wears you out an used a lot of your muscles.

Yesterday I went out with Ma (Brett's Mom) we drove by a house for sale that I wanted to look at. After that she drove me by one other place she saw and then we went to the book store and Target. At Target I got one of those big bag purses. It's white with big pink flowers on it. Ma said that it wasn't too fru fru. When I asked Brett about it, he said there is nothing wrong with girls having fru fru stuff. I do like the purse though. It's big and it doesn't look like I have as much stuff anymore. I could keep my makeup bag in there and still have a ton of room. That would imply I wear makeup on a regular basis, and I don't.

Ok, first we had Mad Cow Disease, then Bird Flu, now we have Swine Flu. For goddess sake, what's next Equine Flu? And you got to wonder how these things just pop up. If they were there all along and can spread so quickly, why haven't we attacked by it long before now? They say if you exhibit flu like symptoms that you should notify your doctor right away. Great, I bet every doctors office is flooded with calls of people thinking they have the Swine Flu.

Then there is the trend in Japan of wearing a surgical mask, to keep germs out, or in. Now Mexico has adopted it. I read an article about how it's almost a fashion statement in Japan, and they aren't sure it helps anything. Maybe it's like a placebo to these people, since they think they are protected, then they don't get sick. I really don't know. I saw a girl walking down the street the other day with a colored surgical mask. I'm all for following Japanese fashion, but I don't think that will catch on, and if you are doing it just for a fashion statement, well you've got problems. But of course growing up, there were some pretty weird fashion statements. *shudders*

Brett goes in for his MRI tomorrow. We've got to find out what's going on with his leg, before he turns into House. We are stopping by J's to get his earrings taken out. They really haven't been out since they were put in. This is going to be fun. After the great earring extraction, we are going to drive by a couple of house options. I'm currently waiting for my mortgage lady to call me back and let me know what Mortgage Insurance is, and why do I need it. Because that thing is making possible Mortgage payments that are livable, turn into OUCH. And I will have a real hard time convincing Brett to go with OUCH payments. And if that doesn't work out, then we fall into the desperate level of things. *sigh* Why is this never easy. If this keeps up we are going to end up living in a van down by they river. If we can't find anything with acreage, then we will have to looking into a cheap enough house where we can still afford to board Katelin. I would really hate to ask a family member for money to help with a down payment on a place, just so we can afford the payments. I'm betting on the van down by the river. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin

Sometimes the breeze isn't enough.

Well I finally got all the accessories for my iPod in the mail. I checked them for all the problems that people seem to be having with them, and they look ok. I ordered a new battery for my lappy so I can take it around the house. I'm also getting Brett a laptop of his own. I'm jealous that he will get this neat new laptop, but there is no reason for me to get a new one. Mine works just fine.

I have 1 follower! Yay! It's my friend Tokyo Cowgirl. It's good to know someone reads my blog from time to time.

Today was nice. We opened up the windows and the cats ran from window to window smelling the breeze. They eventually wore themselves out. The picture is of Rory asleep at the window. I enjoyed the windows being open, but the breeze died down and wasn't strong enough to cool the house so we relented and turned on the air.

The people that my aunt hired to mow the lawn showed up unannounced. He lost my number, so I gave it to him again. They scared our resident bunny that lives under the deck. I like the bunny. I get a kick out of seeing him just sit out in the yard like a little statue. He actually calmed down and ate while we watched him today. I keep wanting to get pictures of him, but he's just out of range for a good picture all the time.

I'd say the kittehs are about ready for bed, and they are going to wake me to feed them at 6 so I better scoot off to bed. Laters! Savvy?

-Aislin